Friend or Foe
Back when we were still going to gyms, one of my buddies in the morning boxing class used to show me some of his favorite yoga routines.
“It’s not a struggle,” he said. “It’s a surrender.”
Exactly. So instead of huffing and puffing and forcefully twisting my torso and risking injury, my friend was telling me to relax and let the stretch happen naturally.
There’s effort involved, of course, but not an unhealthy exertion.
I’m trying to get my brain to operate on the same principle. Eating properly or exercising are often depicted as chores, but you can enjoy them a lot more if you just drop the resistance and focus on the benefits.
I have this unhealthy and unhelpful ability to readily recall unpleasant memories.
I can’t remember where I put my house keys, I forget everything on my to-do list, but I can recollect a nasty experience that happened during the Johnson Administration like it happened five minutes ago.
I’ll be going along, feeling pretty good about myself, when the inner saboteur lurking in my subconscious will lob some awful memory into my path like an enemy soldier tossing a hand grenade.
These embarrassing, ugly, unfortunate incidents can overpower the present and destroy my happiness, while a part of me looks at the wreckage and says "mission accomplished."
What to do about this? Well, trying to stop a thought is like trying to stop the world from turning. The subconscious mind always goes where it’s not wanted and the destructive thought will most likely intensify and make you even more miserable if you try to shut it down.
Mindfulness is certainly helpful. If you can stay firmly in the present and focus on the life you’re living right now, then the past won’t be a problem.
But like anything worthwhile, staying present at times can be very challenging.
Say What?
Lately I’ve been having some success with another method that employs the struggle vs. surrender approach.
Whenever an ugly memory or negative thought shows up in my brain, I simply say “thank you.”
That’s all. Just those two simple words our parents taught us—or should’ve taught us—when we were kids.
It’s amazing how this little trick has been working for me. It’s like saying “have a nice day” to someone who just gave you the finger. My inner traitor doesn’t know what to do.
It’s expecting me to freak out, fall apart, and burn up precious time by getting angry or upset, and when I don’t, it just goes silent.
I’m not saying this is a miracle cure because there is no such thing. I have a history of negative thinking that can’t be automatically erased with a little verbal two-step.
Why I trip myself up like this in the first place is whole other horror show.
It’s been said that self-sabotage is actually a form of self-protection.
This portion of our mind acts as forcefield against pain and disappointment that you may experience if you try something new.
The trouble with that, of course, is that it also prevents you from enjoying the great things and fabulous people that life has to offer as well.
I know firsthand that the comfort zone can be a terrible place, but I’ve stayed in some pretty awful situations because I was afraid to change.
The inner saboteur can seem like an enemy but it’s just another part of ourselves.
So instead of struggling against it, maybe we can just smile and say “thank you” and get on with our lives.
Comments
BRAVO, Rob! Because that's exactly what I was going to suggest to you because I've been doing that same thing this past year and it's helped tremendously in letting things go.
And also what you shared about surrendering, rather than struggling is something I too have been practicing and I've seen a HUGE change in my perception. Surrendering is actually empowering.
I've always believed that everything (including negative things) are there because we need them to learn lessons. And by embracing them and saying thank you for what you've taught me, the lesson becomes clearer. Usually when I experiences things that I struggle with, I feel it very much in my stomach area, which is the Solar Plexus energy center within our body. That's why you'll notice that your stomach tenses because that is where we process our emotions. So when I meditate, I hold my hands on my stomach and take a few deep breaths. And it really helps to let go of the tension.
I am so proud of you, buddy! You have been growing and expanding in self-awareness. And "thank you" for sharing it here because it reminds me as well!
Have a superb week!
The belief that everything is here to give us a lesson is so important. That's how we grow.
Surrendering is actually empowering--brilliant!
There's a Zen saying that goes "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional." Yes, we're going to hurt in this life, but if we can learn from that pain, rather than wallow in it, we're emerge stronger.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this, buddy, they mean the world to me!
Take care!
Hi, Bijoux!
I'm such a chronic complainer that this feels so strange to me. But I also feel better when I get it right!
Thanks so much for your support!
As for forgetting things, sometimes the same happens to me and it drives me crazy. Then, when I take the time to calm down and thing and stop looking for something I've misplaced, it's found. And then I ask WHY wasn't the last place I looked, the first place?
Hope you are doing well. Thanks for your recent visits to my blog posts too. I'm glad when other bloggers find the posts interesting and informative. I'm always learning new things and like sharing!
Thank you so much for your lovely comments.
This is indeed a most stressful time and our thoughts can drift into some pretty dark areas if we are not vigilant.
I think there's an unwritten rule that says the last place you look will never be the first place you look.
I enjoy your very much and I think it's great how you sharing new things.
Take care!