Friend or Foe

"Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” -- Abraham Lincoln

Back when we were still going to gyms, one of my buddies in the morning boxing class used to show me some of his favorite yoga routines.

One morning I was having a hard time with a shoulder stretch and my friend gave a piece of advice that I think can work outside of the health club.

“It’s not a struggle,” he said. “It’s a surrender.”

Exactly. So instead of huffing and puffing and forcefully twisting my torso and risking injury, my friend was telling me to relax and let the stretch happen naturally.

There’s effort involved, of course, but not an unhealthy exertion.

I’m trying to get my brain to operate on the same principle. Eating properly or exercising are often depicted as chores, but you can enjoy them a lot more if you just drop the resistance and focus on the benefits.

I have this unhealthy and unhelpful ability to readily recall unpleasant memories.

I can’t remember where I put my house keys, I forget everything on my to-do list, but I can recollect a nasty experience that happened during the Johnson Administration like it happened five minutes ago.

I’ll be going along, feeling pretty good about myself, when the inner saboteur lurking in my subconscious will lob some awful memory into my path like an enemy soldier tossing a hand grenade.

These embarrassing, ugly, unfortunate incidents can overpower the present and destroy my happiness, while a part of me looks at the wreckage and says "mission accomplished."

What to do about this? Well, trying to stop a thought is like trying to stop the world from turning. The subconscious mind always goes where it’s not wanted and the destructive thought will most likely intensify and make you even more miserable if you try to shut it down.

Mindfulness is certainly helpful. If you can stay firmly in the present and focus on the life you’re living right now, then the past won’t be a problem.

But like anything worthwhile, staying present at times can be very challenging.

Say What?

Lately I’ve been having some success with another method that employs the struggle vs. surrender approach.

Whenever an ugly memory or negative thought shows up in my brain, I simply say “thank you.”

That’s all. Just those two simple words our parents taught us—or should’ve taught us—when we were kids.

It’s amazing how this little trick has been working for me. It’s like saying “have a nice day” to someone who just gave you the finger. My inner traitor doesn’t know what to do.

It’s expecting me to freak out, fall apart, and burn up precious time by getting angry or upset, and when I don’t, it just goes silent.

I’m not saying this is a miracle cure because there is no such thing. I have a history of negative thinking that can’t be automatically erased with a little verbal two-step.

But it’s another addition for my emotional toolbox and the “thank you” routine can provide immediate relief.

Why I trip myself up like this in the first place is whole other horror show.

It’s been said that self-sabotage is actually a form of self-protection.

This portion of our mind acts as forcefield against pain and disappointment that you may experience if you try something new.

The trouble with that, of course, is that it also prevents you from enjoying the great things and fabulous people that life has to offer as well.

I know firsthand that the comfort zone can be a terrible place, but I’ve stayed in some pretty awful situations because I was afraid to change.

The inner saboteur can seem like an enemy but it’s just another part of ourselves.

So instead of struggling against it, maybe we can just smile and say “thank you” and get on with our lives.