Wayne's World
It’s undoubtedly a good approach for generals and mafia dons, but I prefer the advice that my my father gave me many years ago.
“Stay in touch with the good people in your life,” he said. “There are so many people I lost contact with and now I regret it.”
It sounds simple enough, but like a lot of things my father told me, it took me a long time to appreciate what he was saying.
My father’s words came back to me recently when I recalled a kid I knew in high school named Wayne.
We were in the same freshman class together and we hung out a few times after school.
He was quiet and a bit shy, and he wanted to be my friend. But the friendship never really went anywhere. And it was my fault.
I didn’t make a serious effort to keep things going. I’m not sure why I was so lax in my attitude.
I guess back then I really didn’t appreciate the value of having good friend.
Making mistakes is part of being young, but now that I’m older with a very short list of close friends, I understand why my father stressed the importance of holding onto the good people.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Wayne so I started searching for him on Google.
Yes, I know I promised I’d stop doing this, but, honestly, it was different from my usual search and self-destroy mission, where I sink into a bog of envy, regret and self-pity.
This time I was looking to reconnect with a good friend whom I allowed to slip away from me.
The Friend Zone
I found a man on Facebook with a similar name who lives in New Jersey.
I looked at his photo but I couldn’t be sure if he was my old classmate or not.
It has been more than 40 years since I last saw him, but he did resemble my friend…a little bit…I think.
There was only way to settle this, of course: contact this man. And for the longest time I promised myself that I’d do exactly that.
And for the longest time I kept putting if off.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. If it turned out to be the wrong man, I’d look stupid to a total stranger that I would never speak with again.
But if I was right, I could conceivably rekindle an old friendship.
So, I banged out a message, apologizing for the intrusion into his life and asked him if he was indeed the guy in question.
It took a lot for me to press the send button, but it felt so good once I did. If nothing else I was keeping a promise to myself.
It’s been four weeks since I wrote to Wayne of New Jersey and I have yet to receive a response.
I took another look at his Facebook and I saw that his last entry was in August 2019 when he updated his photo. I guess he’s not much for social media.
There are few other guys with the same name and I’m going to write to them as well. I might even contact my high school alumni association to see if they can help me out.
Of course, even if I do find Wayne, there’s a good chance he won’t remember me; or we’ll have absolutely nothing to say to each other. But I really want a second chance at being his friend.
And I’m going to take my father’s advice and stay in touch with the good people.
I’m going to keep my friends close and my enemies far away.
Comments
I also think that sometimes friends drift apart at certain times in their lives, only to reconnect later in years. I've had that happen a few times. It was as if fate had a hand in it.
So glad to hear that you reached out to your friend Wayne. And even if you don't hear back from him, at least you did it by making the effort. That's awesome!
LOVE the vintage photo you shared of the two boys having a pillow fight!!!
Happy Memorial Day, buddy!
That's so great that you kept up with your two friends over all these years!
Reconnecting with people now is a bit easier with the internet and social media. And, of course, we want to make new connections as well.
Take care, buddy!
Isn't it shocking how fast the time goes by?
Why shouldn't people remember you?! You're the best!
And thanks for the good wishes in my Wayne hunt. I'm glad I made the effort.
Take care!
There’s another saying that goes something like you can pick your friends, and not your family. And I really believe that to be true.
I work at maintaining contacts with people through calls, emails, written correspondence. Admittedly, it’s not always reciprocated. But then there are the handful of friends who I do hear from or see whenever possible. In fact, it’s happening this weekend while we are in our native NJ for the first family visit in over a year and a half. My husband and I will meet up with a former workmate later today and a childhood friend on Sunday morning for a short reunion, and I will also talk to another. As Ron mentioned with his distant friends, I do not see these folks and a few others often as we all live in various states, but the connection remains.
Good for you in taking the first step to reconnect with someone. It’s not always easy given the passage of time, etc., but hopefully you will receive some sort of response in time. Aside from blogging, I am not on any other social media to try and reconnect with those in my past and that’s ok as I value the few that I do hear from or see. Blogging has given me the chance to meet a few bloggers and hopefully more in the future, and that has become an online friendship as well. That said, if and when, I ever return for a NY visit, it would be great to meet you as well.
Please do let us know if and when you hear back from Wayne and the photos you chose to illustrate this post were great, Rob.
I hope your visit to NJ was a smashing success, and yes, indeed, I would love to meet you if you ever swing this way.
Making and holding on to friends is tougher for adults and I commend you for the efforts you're making to keep in touch with people. You are an inspiration!
And it's a smart move to stay clear of social media. Facebook and company can devour your precious time.
I'll keep you posted if I do track down Wayne.
Take care!
Rob