Sunday, May 24, 2015

Big Wheel Keeps On Turning

“This life is a master novel, written by God, and man would go crazy if he tried to understand it by reason alone. That is why I tell you to meditate more. Enlarge the magic cup of your intuition and then you will be able to hold the ocean of infinite wisdom.” --Paramahansa Yogananda

I turned 58 years old today and so many thoughts are running through my mind.

I’m thinking of the shocking passage of time, and how I’m quickly closing in on the 60 year mark.

I’m thinking about my late parents, and my grandmother, who shared a birthday with me, and how I miss them all very much.

I’m also thinking about a couple of kids I saw in Shore Road Park last weekend. (That may sound awkward, but please bear with me.)

These two boys went racing by me as I sat on a park bench. The older one was on a razor scooter and he was pulling ahead of a younger boy on a bicycle. The little guy was having a hard time with this.

“Stop doing that,” he yelled. “Stop it!”

But the older boy kept on going, leaving the younger one behind, and finally the little guy pulled over, sat on the ground and started crying.

Yes, kids cry every day and then they get over it and go back to having fun, but this incident really upset me. I felt so badly for this kid.

I wanted to tell him that it’s better to find your own way then chase after people who don’t care about you and that you shouldn’t get upset over something as trivial as a race with another kid.

But, of course, it wasn’t trivial for him. This was a terrible blow in his world and I was happy to see the boy’s father come along a few moments later to console the little guy.

Then on Friday it was my turn.

Waterworks

We got out of work early due to the Memorial Day holiday and, having failed to make any firm plans, I decided to go home.

Big mistake. As soon as I got home I realized that it wasn’t even 7 PM yet and I had pretty much tanked the evening.

I’m in kind of rough patch right now as my future is a bit overcast. I’m trying to remain positive, focus on the good things in my life, and express gratitude, but it can be very hard some days.

I was feeling out of sorts so I decided to call my aunt just to talk, but I felt so tired, so fearful, and so goddamn lonely that my voice started to crack.

“Honey…” my aunt said, anticipating the deluge.

Then I lost it, weeping and wailing like my buddy in the park. I know that a lot of this comes from concerns about what’s going to happen next, but I couldn’t seem to rein in the tears.

Finally I calmed down and assured my aunt that I was okay.

I felt guilty about unloading on her, since she’s dealing with some serious health issues, but my aunt—just like my mother--can see right through me and there’s no way I can hide my fears from her.

Now that I calm I can see really appreciate how lucky I am to have people as loving as my aunt, my sister and other friends and family, who can listen to my problems and talk me down to earth. That’s a great gift indeed.

Today I will be going to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden with my auntie and sister and then we’re heading off to Wing Hing, a fantastic Chinese restaurant, where I intend to eat everything on the menu and then menu itself.

I’m taking a day off from thinking about my problems, worries, and disappointments. This is a day for gratitude and celebration.

Like my little friend in the park, I see that sometimes the only thing you can do is pull over, sit down, and cry your eyes out.

Then you wipe away the tears, get back on your bicycle, and start pedaling.

14 comments:

Ron said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR ROB!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOO YOOOOOU!

*thunderous applause*

Happy Birthday, Rob! Hope you're having a great time enjoying your special day at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens with your aunt and sister; celebrating!

"Like my little friend in the park, I see that sometimes the only thing you can do is pull over, sit down, and cry your eyes out.

Then you wipe away the tears, get back on your bicycle, and start pedaling."

Yes, you're absolutely right. Sometimes we've got to let lose by letting it all go and just having a good cry. Also, you've been doing a lot of energy work, so allow me to share that very often by doing this, emotions and feelings come to the surface to be cleansed. That has happened to me many times. And it's a very positive sign, because you're letting go and allowing something new to take its place.

Keep the faith, buddy. This year is going to be a GREAT one for you, I can sense it!

Have a Happy Memorial Day tomorrow!

Rob K said...

Hey, Ron, thank you so much!

These last few weeks have been very trying so I really appreciate your support and kindness.

And I'm going to follow your suggestion by keeping the faith and making this a great year!

Thanks again, buddy, and do take care!

Bijoux said...

Happy birthday! I had forgotten that our birthdays are only a week apart. I'm glad you have your aunt to turn to. Is she your Morher's sister? What a blessing to have her in your life. I hope you have a wonderful outing today.

Rob K said...

Hey, Bijoux, thank you so much! Yes, my aunt is indeed my mother's sister and she knows all too well!

Take care and Happy Birthday to you as well!

Stephanie Faris said...

Happy birthday! Aging is a privilege. Not everyone gets to do it. I heard that on a TV show once and it stuck with me!

I once was really upset over a breakup and cried to a co-worker, who had found out he had Stage 4 cancer about a couple of months prior. He was nice and listened but toward the end of it, I could tell his mind was elsewhere and I shut up. I still feel guilty about talking to him about that...but perhaps it helps someone with health problems to take their minds off of it every once in a while.

Rob K said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes, Stephanie! And you're quite right--aging really is a privilege.

You shouldn't feel guilty about crying to your coworker. You didn't know the situation and I think you did help take his mind off of his own problems.

Take care!

bonnie said...

Happy Birthday, Rob! Did we know that we share the same birthday? 10 years behind you, closing in on the big five-oh myself.

Hope you had a good visit to the BBG and the Chinese food (and menu) were all you were looking forward to.

Rob K said...

Yes, Bonnie, of course! Happy Birthday! We had a blast and I hope your birthday was a rousing success as well!

A Cuban In London said...

First of all, happy birthday, even if your life at the moment might not be a bed of roses. The way you express your feelings will surely help you find the right path. And that last line in your post? Thanks, it connected so beautifully with my recent post on which you so kindly commented. The zone, you were right. I tend to think of it as my "gears moment", when all the gears fall into place and you feel in tune with nature and your surroundings. Thanks for this post and your comment.

Greetings from London.

Rob K said...

Thank you so much! We're all looking for that path and sometimes we get a little disoriented and we have to find that "gears moment."

Thanks for stopping by and do take care!

Jay, Sparking Synapse said...

Oh, how I feel for you, Rob. You're right, sometimes the only thing to do is sit down and cry. It can be cleansing... one just has to take care not to let it become a habit. There comes a time to pick yourself up and yes, take a day off from worrying and fretting and carrying that weight around.

You Aunt sounds like a wonderful lady. I wouldn't worry about burdening her. If she's anything like my Mum (and it sounds as if she is), helping someone else with their worries actually helps to take her mind off her own. She will gain something very positive from comforting you.

Now, chin up, and get back on that bike. You can enjoy the ride without chasing the big guy on the razor scooter, you know!

Rob K said...

Oh, Jay, God bless you! You know exactly what to say. My aunt is indeed a wonderful lady and so are you!

So I'll take your greatly-appreciated advice and get back on my bicycle. And if I see that loser on the razor scooter I'll slam right into him!

Take care!

CrystalChick said...

Oh, I'm so behind in blog reading and am sorry to have missed your birthday… but please accept these *belated* wishes for a WONDERFUL YEAR! Happy, happy 58th!!!
Hey, can I just say that I have probably 2 meltdowns every week, so you're good. Cry when you need to! I'm glad you had your aunt to talk to! Also, it was good to hear you planned a fun outing.

Hope this is your best year yet!

Rob K said...

Thanks so much, Mary! Two meltdowns a week!? You're a lightweight! Great to hear from you and I really appreciate the support!