Spheres of Influence

-
I don’t want to brag, but I’ve got some pair of balls.

Before you take offense, please know that I’m not bragging about my manhood, nor am I claiming to be some fearless risk taker. I’m talking about real balls—the round objects.

In this case, these are exercise balls, which I’ve been using at my rehab facility to get my battered back back on track.

The wonderful staff have shown me some exercises to ease my pain and encouraged me to do them at home.

I’m impatient to get healthy, so I’m more than happy to comply. Every morning I go through a series of stretches to combat spinal stenosis.

One of the things they have me doing is rolling an exercise ball back and forth with my legs to help stretch my lower back. In my zeal to heal, I ordered an exercise ball—or Swiss ball—of my own from Amazon.

However, when the thing arrived, I found it to be too big and much too difficult to inflate. Okay, I just had to do the Amazon return routine and get my money back.

Only I wasn’t paying attention when filling out the return, and I inadvertently arranged to bring the thing back to the Whole Foods store in Park Slope.

Ball in the Jack

No big deal, but it’s an unnecessary detour when there’s a UPS store within walking distance of my home.

So I go back online to make the adjustment, and I’m feeling so proud of myself for making the correction. This is a big deal for a boomer.

On Friday, I was all set to follow the bouncing ball back to the local outlet when my phone pinged. It was a text from Amazon informing me that my exercise ball had been delivered.

WTF? I was trying to return one and now I had another? These things are reproducing like the tribbles from Star Trek.

I am almost certain that I hit a wrong button in my last Amazon encounter. (When will I learn?)

I struggled with Amazon’s AI until I gave up and connected with a very helpful young man who told me—if I heard him correctly—to keep both balls, and he threw in a refund on the first one on the house.

I was so happy I was tempted to take back all those nasty things I’ve ever said about Jeff Bezos. Then I came to my senses.

I’ve been doing some research, and I’ve found some exercises I can do with this thing, including a 30 minute sit routine to strengthen my core. There are also leg lifts, ball assisted squats, and stretches.

I’m concerned about adding to the clutter of my apartment, but I'm having that having this big orb on the premises will encourage me to toss some of the junk I’ve got around here.

Okay, so I started off trying to get rid of one exercise ball and now I have two. I guess I’ll inflate one, give one to my sister, and be thankful for a good deal.

I just hope I don’t get a third one.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Bystander Effect

-
Image
Winston Moseley knew no one would stop him. “I knew they wouldn't do anything,” he told police after his arrest. “They never do.” Moseley murdered Kitty Genovese in Queens in 1964 in one of the most infamous murder cases in modern times. The horrific crime gained worldwide attention largely because of a New York Times article that said “38 respectable, law-abiding citizens” did nothing while Moseley attacked Kitty Genovese on three separate occasions. The story sparked worldwide condemnation and provided material for writers and composers, including the Phil Ochs song “ Outside of a Small Circle Friends .” There was talk of the Bystander Effect or the Genovese Effect and the words “I didn’t want to get involved” summed up life in the big city. The Kitty Genovese case is the subject of a new documentary called The Witness that explores the mythology surrounding the murder. The film features Kitty’s brother, Bill, who was 16 years old at the time of his sister’s murder. ...
Read more

‘Permanently Closed’

-
Image
And, so, another local landmark is gone. My sister and I passed by O’Sullivan’s Bar & Grill in Bay Ridge last night during our after-dinner walk and saw nothing but darkness. There were no lights shining from this old Irish saloon that the O’Sullivan family took over in 1934. There were no customers outside taking a cigarette break on Third Avenue; no voices, music or laughter emenating from the corner business on 89th Street. A dark bar on a Saturday night only means one thing, but I didn’t want to accept the grim reality. I had to walk up to the front door, grab hold of the handle and pull back. But the place was locked up tight. This morning I jumped on the Internet in hopes of learning that the owners were on vacation, or that they were renovating the place and would be reopening in grand style any day now. But the bar’s Yelp page was branded with two grisly words at the top: “Permanently Closed.” I’ve been searching around local message boards for any ind...
Read more

Making Book

-
Image
My novel, Born Speaking Lies , is going to be published on Saturday. That sounds so strange to me. After all the time, energy, and grief I put into the manuscript it’s a little hard to believe it’s actually going to be a book. I’ve racked up an untold amount of rejections, and I got awfully close to a deal with one publisher a few years ago, but they turned me down because they don't do crime fiction. Finally the lovely people at Fomite Press in Burlington, Vermont agreed to publish my story about a bunch of Brooklyn gangsters who raise a whole lot of hell between here and the Poconos. And so here we go. I started writing this book on a typewriter back when my parents were still alive, my two nieces had yet to be born, and Reagan was president. Now I can’t honestly say I’ve worked on the book for all those years—not even close. I’d put it aside, take up some other project that I was certain would pay off handsomely, only to see that effort come up empty. Take it from...
Read more