Maggie May

The term “Maggie’s drawers” is U.S. Army slang for a red flag that is waved when a soldier’s shot completely misses the target.

The expression’s origin is uncertain. Some people believe it came from the character Maggie in the comic strip Bringing Up Father, which was created in 1913, while others think the term came from an old folk song called “Those Little Red Drawers that my Maggie Wore.”

I first heard it from my father, who was a pistol and rifle instructor during World War II.

The term “Maggie’s Drawers” came to mind last week when I was trying (struggling) to remember the name of a certain actor.

I could see his face, and hear his voice, but I couldn’t nail down his name. I knew that he had been in a movie in the Eighties that I really liked…but I couldn’t remember the title.

But hold on. The same dude was in a TV show I really enjoyed a few years back, which was called…?

I tried but I could not recall the actor’s name, the film, or the TV program. In other words, Maggie’s drawers.

It seems I’ve having more of these episodes where I can’t remember the names of people, places, and things that I feel that I really ought to know.

It’s a little a worrisome now that I’m older. My father suffered from dementia in his final years, and I’d really like to avoid that if at all possible.

But I have noticed some positive changes in my behavior as well.

Ring My Bell

I was taking out the trash Wednesday night when my phone started ringing.

This was one of the very few times--outside of my morning shower--when I wasn’t carrying my phone, having left it upstairs.

The only reason I knew some was calling me was because my phone is patched into my hearing aids. Yes, that’s right, hearing aids.

I started to panic for just a moment. How could I ever race up three flights of stairs and answer the phone in time? What if it’s something important?

There was a time not too long ago when I would’ve attempted such a stunt, bouncing off the walls, and risking hurting myself just to find out who was calling me.

And I might have actually picked up before the call went to voicemail.

But not this night. I decided that whoever was calling could leave a message. If it’s something important I’d call them back as soon as I got back upstairs.

As I walked up to my apartment I wondered if this was a sign of maturity or a sign of aging.

Was I being sensible by refusing to charge up the stairs or was I turning into a geezer who didn’t have the energy he once did?

It’s a little of both, I suspect. While I am slowing down, I’d like to think I’m wising up. And when I finally did pick up my phone, I saw a phone number labeled “Spam.”

A few days later I was waiting on the intersection when I saw the light was about to turn red. I remembered how I used to race like a lunatic across the street just to beat the light.

I did this all the time—even when I wasn’t in a hurry. I look back and I wonder what the hell was I running for? Why was it so important to get to the other side of the road so quickly?

Cross at the Green

Now I just stood at the corner, waited for the light to change, and crossed with all the other pedestrians.

Again, a little bit of wisdom, a little bit of aging. I’m not as fast as I used to be, but I can finally see there’s no reason to be fast in this situation in the first place.

Now in the interests of full disclosure I must confess that I momentarily fell back into this foolish habit on Saturday morning while pushing a cartful of groceries.

I wasn’t in any danger, but I was annoyed with myself for rejoining this self-imposed rat race.

Om Thursday I was walking to my gym when I saw flock of geese flying through a beautiful blue sky.

I was amazed at how these birds flew in a perfect V-formation and I had to stop and watch them.

God alone knows how many times I’d seen the same sight in my lifetime, but this time I was really appreciating this minor miracle.

I was tempted to take out my iPhone and snap a picture, but I decided against it.

The birds were probably too high up for a decent photo, the camera really can’t capture this kind of moment, and I didn’t want to take my eyes off the flock.

You had to be there.

Okay, it took me some time, but I remembered that actor’s name was Christian Slater, the movie was Heathers, and the TV show was “Mr. Robot.”

It’s not quite a bullseye, but it’s better than Maggie’s drawers.