The Key to Paradise

I knew there had to be an expression for this behavior.

YouTube has become my go-to source for music.

Between my job and my writing, I spend most of my time on the computer and YouTube can provide soundtracks to my various moods and personalities.

Jazz, big bands, new age, Eighties, traditional Irish, you name it, you’re sure to find it somewhere on YouTube. And the automated suggestions offer even more possibilities.

Be advised that the ads on YouTube are a rip-roaring pain in the ass, particularly when I'm trying to enjoy meditation and exercise videos.

The site offers its own streaming service, which I might subscribe to, so I can save some money and stop screaming obscenities at my computer.

Now there are times where a song will get into my head, and I’ll just have to play it over and over.

I figured there must be a name for this activity and a quick Google search came up with the term “Binge Listening,” a perfect expression for the Generation Netflix.

I did a little research about binge listening and it seems people who’ve had their hearts broken will search out sad songs to reflect their current mood and to remind themselves that other people have gone down this road, too. Misery really does love company.

Also, playing the same song over and over affects the reward center of our brains, which drives us toward pleasurable stimuli and away from the painful ones.

I’ve been on a Frank Sinatra kick lately and I’ve been focusing on his version of “It Happened in Monterey,” which he recorded in 1956 for the album Songs for Swingin’ Lovers.

My Indiscreet Heart

The song was composed in 1930 by Mabel Wayne with lyrics and performed for the 1930 musical film King of Jazz, which feature Paul White and his orchestra.

It was covered several times but was pretty much out of the picture when Old Blue Eyes brought it back to life.

Al Pacino lip-synced Sinatra’s version of the song in the final scene of the 1997 film The Devil's Advocate and nine years later writer Doug Gamble wrote new lyrics song to promote Monterey, Calif.

The tune tells the story a fellow who meets a lady in old Mexico amid “stars and steel guitars and lips as red as wine.”

Unfortunately, things don’t well for this gentleman tells us these very things “broke somebody’s heart and I’m afraid that it was mine.”

“It happened in Monterey,” the song goes, “Without thinking twice I left her and threw away the key to paradise. My indiscreet heart, how it longs for the sweetheart, that I left in old Monterey.”

Sinatra does such a terrific job with this song, so obviously it’s having an impact on my brain’s reward center.

However, the sad song aspect is also important here. As the lyrics tell us, our hero wasn’t betrayed or dumped. He brought this heartache upon himself.

This is a common theme in a number of songs--"Musta Got Lost" by the J. Geils Band comes to mind--and it hits a rather painful note with me, as I’ve self-sabotaged my way of more relationships than I want to think about—which means I think about them all the time.

The latest incident happened just a few weeks when someone showed an interest in me, and I did absolutely nothing to acknowledge it.

I think I’ve gotten so used to being alone that part of me wants to maintain this status quo even though it sucks beyond description.

Awareness is the first step to making a change and I’m going to keep an eye on my indiscrete heart.

And the next time I grab the key to paradise, I’m not going to throw it away.