Sunday, June 23, 2013

Ham It Up

So what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, forgetting stuff.

I know your memory is supposed to get fuzzier as you get older, but I experienced a few brain blips during the last week that are making me a little nervous.

The first and worst of these was the ham sandwich affair. I bring my lunches to work to save some money and one night last week I got all set to make myself a ham sandwich from the leftovers I had in the refrigerator.

I know I should avoid salted meats, but I like to treat myself every now and then.

The only problem was I couldn’t find the ham. I knew for a fact that I hadn’t eaten it all yet there was no sign of the remaining slices anywhere.

This was ridiculous. I had just made a sandwich the other day. There had to be leftovers.

I pulled everything out of the refrigerator, but the ham had gone on the lam. Either I had thrown it out by mistake or a team of vigilante vegetarians had broken into my house in the dead of night and pulled the pork.

Neither scenario made any sense and that just made me angrier. How do you lose cold cuts, for God’s sake? I finally gave up the search, slapped together a back-up turkey sandwich and went to bed.

It wasn’t until I was washing the breakfast dishes the next goddamn morning that I realized what had happened to the ham.

I never bought it.

Yes, I had picked up some ham during the previous week, but not last week. I wasn’t recalling a memory of an actual incident. It was a summer rerun.

This was freaky. I distinctly remembered slicing up a tomato, getting out the bread and the mustard and making a sandwich. Only I hadn’t--at least, not lately.

And then again...

And this wasn’t the only memory miss. On Friday, I got up early to pick up some things my auntie’s apartment while she was out of town.

I was so proud of myself as I walked down the hallway toward her place. I was taking care of business, getting things done. And then I stopped dead in my tracks.

I had forgotten the keys.

I assumed—oh, that awful word—that they were on my key chain along with all my other keys, but I discovered much too late that I was wrong.

I stood there looking at the door to my aunt’s place like it was the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey.
There was no way in hell that was I going to get into that apartment. I had made the trip for nothing.

And who could forget the blueberries?

Well, me, apparently, because when I made my breakfast on Saturday, consisting of yogurt, fruit, and nuts, I forgot to include my favorite ingredient—the blueberries.

I took them out of the refrigerator. I put them down on the counter. And then I proceeded to make my breakfast without them.

I didn’t even miss them until I went back into the kitchen to clean up and saw them sitting there unloved and abandoned. These berries really were blue. I tried eating some after the fact, but it just wasn’t the same.

My auntie assures me that I’m okay and that I’ve just got too much on my mind. I hope she’s right. I’m not ready to cash out of the memory bank just yet.

But if you ever see me walking down the highway in my underwear with a wastepaper basket over my head, just wave some ham under my nose and point me towards Brooklyn.


Ron said...

"Yes, I had picked up some ham during the previous week, but not last week. I wasn’t recalling a memory of an actual incident. It was a summer rerun."

Bwhahahahahahaha! Rob, that CRACKED ME UP!!!

In fact, this whole post cracked me up. And I hear ya, buddy, because I am the SAME! OMG, I don't know where the hell my mind has gone, but I constantly forget things.

The other night I took a towel out of my closet to take with me to the park to sit on for the next morning. Well, as I was putting my little bag together with stuff in it to take to the park (CD player, sunglasses, a book )I realized that I hadn't put in the towel. So I went back to the closet and searched for it - couldn't find it. I went into the bathroom, thinking I had placed it there - couldn't find it. I looked EVERYWHERE for it because I knew I had just taken it out of the closet.

Do you want to know WHERE I found it?

It was under my arm, where I had placed it when I took it out of the closet. It was under my arm THE WHOLE TIME I WAS LOOKING FOR IT!


So you see, I'm losing it too!

"But if you ever see me walking down the highway in my underwear with a wastepaper basket over my head, just wave some ham under my nose and point me towards Brooklyn."


GREAT post, buddy! Thanks for the laughs!

Have a super week!

P.S. and don't forget the blueberries!

Rob K said...

Hey, Ron, that's funny about the towel--and a little spooky, too. It's so strange when these things happen, because we never thought they'd happen to us!

I guess we should just take it a little slower and do things one at a tine. And eat plenty of blueberries!

Take care, buddy!

Bijoux said...

This post cracked me up too. We're all in the same boat going nowhere. I can't tell you how often I search for something in my cupboards that was on my latest grocery list. I will blame the bagger until I look up the receipt and see it never made it into my cart,

And let's not talk about the times I've gone to the basement and had no idea what I went down there for.....

Rob K said...

Oh, yes, Bijoux, the old basement trip to nowhere routine--that's a memory classic.

I've blamed baggers for my mistakes, too...or have I?

Anyway, take care!

Jay at The Depp Effect said...

Ha! The funniest thing being, of course, that blueberries are one of those full-of-antioxidant fruits which are supposed to help prevent memory loss!

Don't worry. We all do those kind of things, and more. I know for sure I have a tube of concentrated tomato puree somewhere, but I ransacked three cupboards and two fridges looking for it while I made dinner, and could I find it? Of course not. It's probably a 'summer memory' like yours with the ham!

Rob K said...

Dang, Jay, you're right about the blueberries! Now I'll have to eat a ton of the damn things.

But I still want ham...

Good luck with the tomato paste! :)

CrystalChick said...

You don't even want to know how many memories misses I have each week. Oh, it's getting bad!
I have to make notes. And even then... where did I put the note?
So the turkey lunchmeat I KNEW I bought and was on my receipt was no where to be found. I tore the kitchen apart, went back out to look in the car, even called the store. The next day... I found it in a bag behind the blender that had a couple bags of chips in it. Guess I forgot to empty it. In my defense, the bagger should have never put lunchmeat in the same bag as potato chips, right?!?!

Blueberries!!! We just went to a farm the other day and picked about 15lbs. I've started to freeze some for my smoothies too. So yummy!

Rob K said...

Oh, yes, the old lost note routine. I was going to include a line about that in this post...but I forgot. I should've written a note.

Was it about it about lunchmeat that makes us lose our marbles? You with the turkey, me with the ham--maybe we should become vegetarians.

But you're right to blame the bagger. Chips and lunchmeat indeed. You should drop a load of blueberries on him!