There’s nothing more enjoyable than starting the day off with a call from your bank’s anti-fraud division.
“Rob,” it said. “This is hard for me because I have never done anything like this…but I have a huge crush on you.”
I’ve never gotten a love letter from a cartoon character before. Maybe Arthur has a sister.
“I have never been able to tell you for reasons which you would quickly identify as obvious if you knew who this was.”
I don’t think it’s that obvious. I don’t know anybody who tortures the English language like this.
This person has the very subtle username of “RobandME69,” which I suspect has some kind of sexual connotation. I wonder who it could possibly be?
“To help you out with your guessing I made a few pictures and videos with "Rob" written on my body. They're kind of risque photos so I had to make a profile at….”
Then the phone rang. I thought it might be a risque lady aardvark with “Rob” written on her body, but it turned out to be a woman from JPMorgan Chase.
She was calling to see if I had made four rapid-fire charges of $10 each in the dead of night to something called Enjaz Information Technology.
Well, actually, no, I hadn’t. Some sniveling aardvark that I could not quickly identify had a huge crush on my credit card and was going on a tear.
I must say I was very satisfied with Chase’s quick response to this situation, calling me as soon as they spotted the suspicious transactions.
Enjaz, according to an article in Ripoff Report, is the online processor required for obtaining a visa for Saudi Arabia. The article says Enjaz has “turned a previously workable system into an absolute nightmare.”
“This company is the worst kind of rip-off - a monopoly that is both abusive and incompetent,” the article said. “The government and people of Saudi Arabia should not let such an incompetent and widely hated company represent them to the world.”
No, and they shouldn’t let some loser rack up bogus charges on my plastic. I wonder how this happened and who could be responsible.
Arthur, what do you have to say for yourself?
You weren’t shy about using my credit card, were you, you conniving weasel?
You better hope I don’t guess who you are, because if I do, I’ll be approaching you with a very large stick.
Now there’s a chance that the person who sent the Arthur email has nothing to do with hacking my credit card and I could be aardvarking up the wrong tree.
No matter. The bank closed down my old credit card and God help anyone who tries to hack the new one. I'll write my name all over his body with a blowtorch.