Saturday, April 07, 2007

Quarterly Report


You call this Easter?

I'm freezing my ass off over here. What happened to Spring, rebirth, renewal? What happened to the goddamn temperature?

By now you've probably guessed that it's unseasonably cold in New York and I'm kind of pissed.

A year ago it was 67 degrees on Easter Sunday while the weather idiots are calling for highs of 45 degrees tomorrow. Come on, people, we can do better than this.

This weather blows especially hard because my brother and his family are in from San Francisco. It's been great seeing them over the last week--they're going back on Monday--but we've had to curtail a lot of the walking around that we had planned back when the weather was legitimately cold.

It's been a crazy week. I took a few days off from work and we've all been doing New York like tourists. We saw Inherit the Wind on Wednesday--a horribly cold and rainy day--with Brian Dennehy and Christopher Plummer.

It was great seeing two fine actors in the flesh, though they are both getting on. And the show was edited down from three hours so it felt like the Cliff Notes' version of the story. I saw another production of this play in Scranton many years ago with the playwright Jason Miller portraying Henry Drummond.

This, of course, did not compare to the Broadway version, but it was interesting in that the play was staged in the Lackawanna County Courthouse, so you were really inside a courtroom as the drama unfolded.

I'm still fond of the film version with Spencer Tracy and Fredric March. That has some best acting you'll ever see on film, particularly during the climactic trial scene. And the show takes on a new meaning today in light of all this "Christian" lunatics trying to ram Creationism down on throats. Back you, freaks, back to the dark ages from whence you came.

We also saw a musical called Spring Awakening, which had have to been one of the worst productions I've ever seen. This was an adaptation of a 19th Century play for the MTV generation, so you have these kids breaking out into crappy pop tunes every time someone turned around.

I think several of the young people in the show were talented, but the songs were just awful--they had a pre-programmed boy band sound to them, as if they were the product of market research rather artistic inspiration.

I was having an out-of-body experience watching this thing. I saw all this youngsters singing and wiggling their rear-ends on the stage while my mind was in other parts of the universe, moving about like some swami passing through different dimensions.

And, as if I didn't get enough grief, I came home to watch David Letterman and found the cast of Spring Awakening was the musical guest and they performed one of this lousy songs. Oy--I give up already!

All The World's A Stage

I'm sure the response will be that I'm too old, I don't get it, but the truth I get it all too well. Crap sells and this play is selling out something fierce. Broadway deserves better and so do young theater-goers.

We also hit the Brooklyn Museum and the Museum of Natural History, where the exhibits on the origins of the earth and the evolution of humanity are guaranteed to give your average Creationist a stroke--Ack! reality! knowledge! No, take them away! Sorry, Bible-thumpers, but the truth really can set you free, if you let it.

My poor sister got a cold during all this running around in the freezing weather and I'm nervous, as I'm just getting over my latest bout with disease. Please, give me a break, okay? Thanks...

But the really great thing is that I'm getting to spend time with my lovely niece Victoria. She is now 12 years old and so tall I can't believe it. I can't bounce her on my knee any more or make her laugh with goofy faces. I actually have to talk to her, but it's been wonderful seeing how she's grown--even though I do miss those old goo-goo days.

As a Californian, Victoria is not into walking and constantly wants to know how far various destinations are. I explained to her that everything in New York is acouplablocks--a couple of blocks for you out-of-towners.

Tonight we ate at my Aunt Marie's home and Victoria had me laughing like a lunatic as she showed so bizarre hand-slapping game that makes Patty Cake look finger snap.

She calls it Slide and she is a very strict teacher. I kept on screwing up one of the key sequences and each time she insisted we start from square one.

When I finally got somewhere with this thing, Victoria starts singing the Hamster Dance song, which immediately had me laughing, and thus, screwing up the sequence all over again.

"Will you stop that?" I shouted between guffaws.

"No," she said, "it's helping you concentrate."

Like hell it was. But we finally got through 10 straight rounds of the Slide, and even though Victoria said I was a disgrace to the Slide community, I feel rather proud of myself. And I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

Now, it's about 1:30 AM and I'm looking over the first quarter of 2007. If my life were a corporation and I had to address the shareholders, I would be forced to admit that it has been a challenging time for Robbo Inc.

In this first quarter, my father died, my health went down the crapper, my career is stalled and I can't find a woman to give me the time of day, let alone go out with me. Plus my fiction is sputtering around in circles as I try to focus on one project and see the damn thing to its conclusion.

Still, do I give up? Hell, no. There have been some bright spots--most notably the solo performer class I'm taking--and I take comfort in the fact that it will indeed get warmer.

This really is a time for renewal, even though you feel like putting up a Santa Claus decoration instead of the Easter Bunny. Spring is here, it just doesn't know it yet.

So I must ask all my shareholders to be patient and give me, the CEO, a chance to turn the company around. I will increase the value of our company over the remainder of the year and our stock will rise.

And if doesn't, feel free to cancel my contract and put some other poor bastard in charge of this whacked company--if you find someone crazy enough to take this gig.

I'll be heading off now to pound the living crap out of the Easter bunny. See you next quarter.

5 comments:

Marsha said...

Evolution....Something from nothing for no reason. Reality? Excuse me while I go "thump" my bible.

Oh by the way, There is no evidence that you can get a cold from exposure to cold weather or from getting chilled or overheated. Viruses cause colds. Tell your sister to wash her hands more often. Someone somewhere slipped her a germ or two. Now THAT'S reality.

Rob K said...

Marsha,

I am a Christian who believes in God and science--unlike these psychos who are trying to corrupt our schools.

If you believe in Creationism, fine--just don't try to push in public schools where it most certainly does not belong.

Thanks to the SCHMUCK in the White House, we've got park rangers at the Grand Canyon telling people Bible stories. Ridiculous!

Other religions have different viewpoints on the origin of humanity, shall we give them equal time as well?

Maybe I could get equal time at churches on Sunday so I can talk about evolution--you know, just to give everyone a "different opinion."

And my sister does wash her hands as often as she can, but she also runs herself ragged and is exposed to kids in her school.

Good to hear from you.

~Babsbitchin~ said...

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I have a proposal for you, I'll email you.
Kisses

Marsha said...

Wow, I found your “bible thumper” comment offensive and I responded…and you start spouting stuff about religion in school and George Bush. I had to read my comment again just to be sure and sure enough, I didn’t find one thing in there about either.

It is my opinion that one cannot be a Christian AND believe in the whole evolution fairytale. I’ll say it again, MY OPINION. It may be very different than yours but I don’t remember calling you a nasty name. I think you’re wrong. That doesn’t make you and "idiot" or a "retard". I don’t think any less of you. I just think you’re wrong.

I don’t appreciate being called a bible thumper. I have the right to believe in creation and God just as much as the Arab down the street has the right to believe in Islam. He’s wrong, but hey, whatever floats his boat.

Now that you bring up the whole school thing…I don’t appreciate people trying to take Christianity out of public schools while adding information about other religions. You either touch on ALL of them or NONE of them. My children know the real truth and having someone tell them different will not shake their faith.

You said, “Other religions have different viewpoints on the origin of humanity, shall we give them equal time as well? Maybe I could get equal time at churches on Sunday so I can talk about evolution--you know, just to give everyone a "different opinion." Did you see any other view point there in the “History” museum? I think not. Keep that stuff there…Sunday is for worshiping God. My children are required to attend the field trips to the history museums. Should your niece be forced to attend a local church for the “other side” of the debate? I don’t think so either.

You have the right to say whatever you wish in your post and call names such as bible thumper and psycho. But don’t be surprised to get responses that you don’t like.

I apologize about being a smartass about the germ thing. I was getting in a dig at you for the name calling because I was angry. I had to wait a few hours before I could respond I was THAT angry. Again, I’m sorry for that. Maybe I should have waited a few more hours.

Just for the record, although it shouldn’t matter…I don’t like Bush nor did I vote for him.

Rob K said...

Marsha,

Since you were good enough to apologize for the germ thing, let me do the same about my comments.

I apologize for using the term "bible thumper." It was very callous of me to say that and I can only use the "I wasn't talking about you" defense, which sounds pretty lame as I write it.

We clearly do not agree about certain topics, such as believing in Christianty & evolution. Science is one thing and the beliefs of Christianty are another and I can live with them both.

But we do agree about not teaching any king of religion in public schools.

The problem is, however, many people do not and they are pushing creationism in public schools under the guise of "intelligent design."

And if other faiths are being taught in public schools, I will protest against that as well.

Christianity is routinely mocked when other faiths not--witness the chocolate Jesus disgrace that some stupid "artist" tried to inflict upon society just around Easter time. He wouldn't DARE mock any other faith.

As far as evolution being a "fairy tale" well, there are people who people who think religion is a fairy tale. I'm not one of them, but they do exist and have a right to their beliefs.

And as I mentioned, park rangers at the Grand Canyon are giving people an "alternative" viewpoint on the Canyon's origin that refers to religion. This is dead wrong. They should stick to natural history and let people decide for themselves.

I would advise you to visit a decent museum sometime and look at how humans have physcially changed over the ages. It's quite a sight.

Also, speaking of germs--they evole, too, as they become resistant to antibotics--that's evolution.

I brought Bush into this because he shamelessly courts the Christian right for votes, to the detriment of the country.

Witness the Terry Schiavo debacle, where the whole country was brought to a standstill to appease a small group of extremists who had convinced themsevles that a woman PROVEN TO BE BRAIN DEAD was somehow still alive. Remember how that idiot flew up from Texas to sign some legislation "protecting" her?

I wish he had flown up from Texas when he got the memo reading "Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S." before 9/11. Maybe 3,000 of my countrymen and women wouldn't be dead.

Now he's threatening to veto stem cell research legislation--again, another bow to extremeists.

My father suffered from Alzheimer's disease and if stem cell research can spare other families the pain we had to go through, then I say let's do it.

Oops--another Bush rant. Shame on me--you didn't vote for the jerk either, so there is one major honking issue that we agree on.

There is hope. And I fervently hope I have not lost your friendship because of my bloviating.

Take care,

Rob