Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Who the hell are you people?
I started this blog to showcase my writing and the hope was that people would read my work, be overwhelmed by my powerful prose, and leave adoring messages under the "Comments" section.
That hasn't quite happened.
Instead I'm getting message like these, from my devoted fan, Joern Lillehagen, who took the time to write:
It's time for the best of the Weblogs, Inc. Network.
The Weblogs, Inc. network features over 100 independent, unfiltered bloggers producing over 1,000 blog posts a week across over 75 industry-leading blogs.
Hi there! I just visited your blog and it`s really cool!
I have a coastal vacationns site/blog. It pretty much covers coastal vacationns related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
So first old Joern plugs something called Weblogs, then he greets me and praises my blog and finsihes off by pushing his "coastal vacationns site/blog" and related stuff. Gee, thanks, Joern, I'm so glad you like my work.
And then there's Melanie Alamo, which I think might be a fake name, who couldn't wait to tell me:
A real enlightening blog. Don't stop now. Don't miss visiting this site about how to buy & sell everything, like music on interest free credit; pay whenever you want.
Pay whenever I want? How about never, Melanie? And you can go back to the Alamo with Davy Crockett and General Santa Anna and never visit my blog again. I feel like I'm inside the Alamo fighting off all these twits who are trying to bash down the doors.
Your blog is good, but it could be a teensy eensy bit better.
My blog could be a whole lot better if you didn't strain your teensy eensy brain by writing crap like this.
Some other yo-yo who calls himself "Business" has a tea cart (?) blog/site that he says "pretty much covers tea cart related stuff."
At last my prayers have been answered! A tea cart site, with all the related stuff. Now I know how Stanley must have felt when he finally met Livingstone. And they probably had tea, too. And two for tea.
And then there's the dating web site where the guy exclaims "I Have Done All the Work for You!" Oh, yeah? So how come I'm not getting laid right now?
All right, obviously--duh--these aren't real people here. It's just a cyber version of the snake oil salesman of yesteryear that's managed to survive with the resilience of the cockroach, only without as much dignity.
There's a similarity here, as if they were all written by the same computer. "Related stuff" is a favorite along with the sign-off that my buddy Joern employs: Come and check it out if you get time. I've got the time, Joern, it's just the interest I'm lacking.
We shouldn't be surprised by this misery, but it's annoying as hell. Cyberspace was suppose to be the new frontier and when we get there we've still got to look around the billboards. It's like those irritating online ads that explode across the screen--kind of like cockroachs--and plug the latest suck-ass movie out of Product Placement Land.
And I love it when you hit the "Close" button in good faith and instead of wiping the thing off your screen it opens another window and inflicts more crapitalism on you. Isn't that false advertising? No, Bubba, it's free enterprise. What are you, some kind of terrorist?
The strange thing is I have the word verification setting in place yet "people" like Rex Madden still get through and plug his "Your Won Travel Businesssite/blog." Perhaps if there's any real humans reading this site they can help me out.
Or maybe I should go old school and call in a priest to cast out all these vile beings, chase Melanie Alamo, Seva Alieva, TS, Broadband Guy, and, yes, even Joern, and all their related stuff to the fiery pits of hell.
That's eternal damnation guys, check it out if you get the time. But leave the tea cart.