Monday, September 05, 2005

What if They Offered a Job...

...and I didn't come?

Tomorrow I start my new job as a reporter for and I am not very happy about it.

I know I should be thankful, given current economic conditions and my own lengthy jobless stretch, but I'm just not enthusiastic.

The money is not good, the job sounds like grunt work and I'm sick of business writing anyway. So I'll be working at a job that I can't rely on and doesn't get me enough money to live the life I want. Great.

I'm thinking of it as a temporary assignment, sort of like life, and looking forward to my next gig, but I don't want to fall on my sword here. (I'm good at that--if sword falling were an Olympic event I'd be wearing a gold medal around my neck.)

There are the obvious complaints: full-time work means less time for writing, research, and piddling crap like shopping, bill-paying. I guess I'll have to join the human race and make the time for these things when I can.

I envy people with careers, real jobs and lives. I live in this half-fantasy world of success and contentment, while struggling through one situation after another. I have talent, but no skills.

I spent my last day of freedom at Shore Road. I had gone down there hoping to run into Theresa, the Polish beauty in the blue bikini. She's got a bit of a saggy belly, but I don't mind. I actually had the nerve to walk up and speak to her yesterday, and we had a nice chat.

Today was a different story, as I could barely get a word out of her and I figured I'd shuffle off to the the other side of the park. I can tell when someone isn't interested, but I'd like to be a little bit more nervy in these situations. So how about dinner some time? Hell, that's easy enough and it'll clear the air in a hurry.

I was about to leave when I saw my good friend Angelica--she of the black bikini and pierced navel. She gave me a nice pep talk, which convinced me that she'd be a great catch.

And it's high time I focused on the mental training. I'm working up a sweat in the gym, yet I still feel inadequate and unworthy. It's time to put my mind on the treadmill, too. Work it out and make it work for me, not against me. I already know the power of negative thinking. Let's turn it around now.

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