Soup to Nuts

Groucho Marx has been trying to tell me something for the last 50 years and last week I finally got the message.

I’m referring to a scene late in the Marx Brothers’ classic Duck Soup where Groucho, portraying Rufus T. Firefly, president of the fictional country Freedonia, must apologize to a diplomat from a neighboring nation whom he’s insulted to stop the nations from going to war.

For a moment it looks like Groucho is going to do just that—take the high road, make amends, and avoid catastrophe.

He starts to give this inspiring speech about offering the offended ambassador “the right hand of good fellowship,” confident this man “will accept the gesture in the spirit of which is offered.”

Then it goes all to hell. Groucho does a sudden and complete emotional about-face when he thinks he might be snubbed.

“But suppose he doesn't,” Firefly says abruptly as he struts back and forth. “A fine thing that'll be! I hold out my hand and he refuses to accept… Think of it - I hold out my hand and that hyena refuses to accept!”

The infuriated Firefly keeps fanning his self-created flames until he’s so hot under the collar that when the unsuspecting diplomat walks into the room, Groucho whirls around and cracks him across the face before the guy opens his mouth. War is promptly declared.

It’s a hilarious scene and I always laugh whenever I watch the movie. Groucho is so funny, I think. Look how crazy he gets.

Well, I finally took real good look at that scene and at myself and I’m forced to admit that Groucho isn’t the only one around here getting crazy. I’m looking at this rant now as more of a mirror of my own behavior than I would like to admit.

Land of the Free and Brave

As part of my Hey 19 happiness project, I’ve been trying to monitor my thoughts because so many of my problems start in my brain.

And one thing I do far too often is get needlessly worked up about nothing.
Someone or something will upset me in some way and I immediately start cranking out a hostile scenario in response.

My father used to call this “getting a big head of steam” and some days I crank out enough steam to power the New York Central Railroad.

Of course, in real life, this kind of behavior isn’t terribly funny. People work themselves up to a point where the facts of a situation are obscured by artificially induced rage.

This happens with people one-on-one, as well as on the national and global scales.

David Bowie’s song “Cat People” talks about putting out fire with gasoline.

This is something I often do when I’m when I’m under pressure. (another Bowie song!) I’m angry about a real problem, but instead of trying to calm down, I look for ugly incidents in my past to ratchet up the rage.

It’s like I’m picking a fight with ghosts, a losing battle if ever there was one. Mindfulness is the best way I know to keep these hostile scenarios in check. You keep your mind focused on what is real and what is happening right now. Everything else just gets in the way.

Today at the supermarket I caught myself getting annoyed with a woman at the fruits and vegetable section who I thought was crowding me. I started imagining what a terrible person she must be and how I’d like to give her a piece of my mind.

And then I saw what I was doing to myself—and no one else—and I shut down these buzzing fireflies with a hearty inward cry of “Groucho!”

Hail, Freedonia.