If Only in My Dreams
I have this dream where I get out of bed, walk to the bathroom and start my day.
And then I realize that my legs are wrapped up in braces following the knee surgery and I can’t walk anywhere.
I will definitely not be home for Christmas this year, as I will be in the hospital rehab center for God knows how long.
After that I have to find a way of living in my apartment without moving my knees, and maybe six months from now, when it’s spring, I’m might be able to walk.
I’m trying to keep a positive attitude about all this, but I confess it’s very difficult.
My doctor says it’ll be 18 months before I’ll be able to go jogging, which means my boxing class, the one I love so much, is out of the question.
The thing about the boxing class is that it’s more than just a tough work out. There are so many great people in the class, and I probably won’t be seeing a lot of them again.
There’s also my fabulous writing class, which is meeting again in February but I can’t go if I can’t walk upstairs.
I know this sounds like whining and ingratitude, but I’m having a hard time handling all this grief at once.
I’m trying to find some lesson in all of this. something beyond “this really sucks.”
I’m grateful that the accident wasn’t more serious and I’m very grateful indeed for my wonderful family, especially my sister, who has been an absolute saint during this entire ordeal.
I guess I’m a little shocked at the length of the recovery time and how long it will take me to do the most basic simple things, the stuff I took for granted a week ago.
I’ve never spent Christmas in the hospital before, so this will be quite an experience.
All the holiday movies and specials mean nothing to me now since I can’t participate in any of the festivities.
But there are so many more people were so much worse off that I have no right to complain. It’s just that I’m so good at complaining!
I’m going to be a different person by the time this is over, and I want to be a better one. Kinder, more patient—the things I talk about but rarely deliver on.
I’m obsessed about going to the gym and being in shape, well I think this is a message to slow down and find other things in life.
I fret that I don’t have enough time write, but it looks like I’ll have plenty of time now.
The first thing is to enjoy Christmas. My dear sister and auntie will be coming here tomorrow to visit me and we’ll try to muddle through somehow.
And to everyone else, have a great holiday and a wonderful New Year.
And then I realize that my legs are wrapped up in braces following the knee surgery and I can’t walk anywhere.
I will definitely not be home for Christmas this year, as I will be in the hospital rehab center for God knows how long.
After that I have to find a way of living in my apartment without moving my knees, and maybe six months from now, when it’s spring, I’m might be able to walk.
I’m trying to keep a positive attitude about all this, but I confess it’s very difficult.
My doctor says it’ll be 18 months before I’ll be able to go jogging, which means my boxing class, the one I love so much, is out of the question.
The thing about the boxing class is that it’s more than just a tough work out. There are so many great people in the class, and I probably won’t be seeing a lot of them again.
There’s also my fabulous writing class, which is meeting again in February but I can’t go if I can’t walk upstairs.
I know this sounds like whining and ingratitude, but I’m having a hard time handling all this grief at once.
I’m trying to find some lesson in all of this. something beyond “this really sucks.”
I’m grateful that the accident wasn’t more serious and I’m very grateful indeed for my wonderful family, especially my sister, who has been an absolute saint during this entire ordeal.
I guess I’m a little shocked at the length of the recovery time and how long it will take me to do the most basic simple things, the stuff I took for granted a week ago.
I’ve never spent Christmas in the hospital before, so this will be quite an experience.
All the holiday movies and specials mean nothing to me now since I can’t participate in any of the festivities.
But there are so many more people were so much worse off that I have no right to complain. It’s just that I’m so good at complaining!
I’m going to be a different person by the time this is over, and I want to be a better one. Kinder, more patient—the things I talk about but rarely deliver on.
I’m obsessed about going to the gym and being in shape, well I think this is a message to slow down and find other things in life.
I fret that I don’t have enough time write, but it looks like I’ll have plenty of time now.
The first thing is to enjoy Christmas. My dear sister and auntie will be coming here tomorrow to visit me and we’ll try to muddle through somehow.
And to everyone else, have a great holiday and a wonderful New Year.
Comments
If there is a lesson in all this, I think you're probably right, it's to slow down a tad and not set so much store on your routine and your fitness classes, and maybe to learn to be a little bit flexible. For me, I've had to give up a few things I loved to do (and I still can't do them), but there are things on the plus list too. I think part of the lesson is perhaps to seek those things out, hard though it might be to see them at the moment.
I'm so sorry that you're in hospital for Christmas, but I'm really glad that your family is looking after you. It's sad that it will take you six months to learn to walk again, and a little bit longer to get strong, bu I'm happy that you had your surgery so quickly (which gives you the very best chance of healing well). I'm sad to hear that your spirits are so low, but it's good to hear that you're going to focus on your writing while you convalesce. See, for every sad there is a happy!
By the way, I don't think I told you; I've bought your book for OH for Christmas. I'll let you know how he likes it!
It truly does suck, but at least you're cooped up indoors in the winter instead of summer. Enjoy the time with family tomorrow and keep your chin up!
Merry Christmas to you and yours and thank you so much for buying my book for OH!
Much love!
I too am surprised by the lengthy recovery. But I am determined to get better and get back on track.
Merry Christmas to you and your family and I wish you all the best for the new year!
"I’m going to be a different person by the time it was over, and I want to be a better one."
And not so much a "better" person, but a more "aware" one. And I did. I felt "altered" after I got out of the hospital. And not only after, but during my entire recuperation period. Even now, two years later, I still feel it.
I know it might not feel it right now, but for me, I realized that my illness was a blessing because it taught me a lot.
Wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas! Sending you lots of "good energy" buddy!