Back to Schoolin’
I was always hoping Kate and I could move beyond friends and start dating, but I felt awkward, and I was worried I’d lose her friendship if I tried to take things further.
So, I did nothing, except sit back and hope that my dreams would magically come true all on their own, something I still do far too often.
Kate had recently returned to Brooklyn from Los Angeles where she had been visiting her sister. We got together shortly after she got back, and I immediately sensed something was going on.
“I’m in a bummed-out mood,” she said, using a popular expression of the day.
After a little more prodding she told me that she was moving to L.A.—and now I was in a bummed-out mood.
I finally blurted out my feelings for her, and, what a surprise, she didn’t feel the same way. But she did want us to remain friends.
Yeah, well, that pretty much did a number on my spirits. The next morning, I was getting ready for school, and I went into a self-pity tailspin, convinced that nothing could go ever go right for me.
I sat down for breakfast next to my brother Peter, who had just gotten up and was barely awake.
And that’s when I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably about my unrequited love.
Peter, whose eyes were nearly closed, reached out and started patting my shoulder, even though he had no clue what was going on. He was on autopilot, but he was still looking out for his brother.
Today would have been Peter’s 70th birthday, a real milestone, only he’s not here to celebrate it. He’s been gone over a month now and the memories keep coming.
And please note that the Led Zepplin reference up top is no accident. I deliberately mentioned the band’s 1969 hit “Whole Lotta Love” because Peter and I got such a kick out of it.
Backdoor Man
I hadn’t thought about the opening track on Led Zepplin II for years and then last week I used the phrase “whole lotta love” in a story, prompting my editor—and good friend—to shoot me a YouTube link to the song.
Peter had gotten the single, which had “Living Love Maid (She’s Just a Woman)” on the flip side.
The band was sued in 1985 after being accused of lifting the lyrics of “Whole Lotta Love” from a Muddy Waters cover of the Willie Dixon song “You Need Love.”
The case was settled out of court, and Dixon's name was later included on the credits for “Whole Lotta Love.”
Peter and I didn’t know nor care about any of this.
We just loved how Robert Plant let out this monstrous scream during the song’s middle section, described by Far Out Magazine wrote in 2021 as ranging from “growling mammal to shrieking phoenix and every incarnation in between.”
The song may be a classic, the article said, “but without Plant it’s nothing.”
Peter always made a point of cranking up the volume of the record player just as Plant started his descent into musical madness.
Of course, the tune brings back that memory and the heartache comes right behind it. I know this will go on for a while as my subconscious mind trawls the deepest parts of my psyche for more recollections of my brother.
After I recovered from my 1970s crying fit, I cleaned myself up and went to school. I was taking an Italian class at the time and on that day the teacher was explaining the specific meaning of the word “addio.”
The word literally means “to God” indicating a final parting, as if the individuals are entrusted to God's care. It’s different from arrivederci, which means “until we see each other again” and ciao, which means hello and goodbye. “You say this when someone is moving to Australia,” my professor explained.
My lost love immediately came to mind, and I said to myself “Addio, Kate” as I tried to accept that we were never going to happen.
However, I’m not ready to say addio to my brother just yet.
Yes, Peter's in God’s care now, but I still want to keep him close until we see each other again.
Happy Birthday, dude.
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Take care