Washing the Cat

It’s hard to believe that Harlan Coben has written only 36 novels. It’s just feels so many more.

I confess I have never read one of the #1 New York Times author’s books, and I can’t say I have any urge to do so. They seem rather lightweight, and I recall one online commentator who described his prose style as “execrable.”

But Coben’s stories, which often involve events from the past suddenly rearing their ugly heads, can make for some darn good escapist TV.

Twelve of his books have been adapted for film or television, with Netflix cranking eight series to date.

Coben’s work has been provided material for shows in England, Spain, France and Poland to name a few, and his net worth has been put at $25 million, which sounds kind of low if you ask me, given his output.

I just got finished watching Missing You and in addition to being a funky mystery and a fine cast, the program was only five blessed episodes.

There was just enough time to introduce the characters, set up the story, throw in some red herrings and betrayals, put the heroine in mortal danger and wrap things up with a thrilling, yet stunningly preposterous climax.

What’s not to love?

And that has been the problem with several full-on series that I’ve been watching lately. There’s just not enough material to justify season after season of the same old same old.

I just recently finished watching a science fiction program on Prime called The Rig and I have to say that I was quite disappointed.

It has a great plot description, with IMDB summing things up thusly: “A group of workers on a remote Scottish oil rig are due to return to the mainland when a mysterious fog enshrouds them, and supernatural forces take hold.”

C’mon, man. Remote Scottish oil rig? Mysterious fog? Supernatural forces? That’s just begging for me to click the “Play” button.

And so, I did and, like several such programs I’ve been watching, it lost steam rather quickly.

It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t that good. I had problems with the story, but it might have worked better as a film, as opposed to 12 episodes spread out over two seasons. At least it would’ve been over sooner.

A remote Scottish oil rig is a great setting for a story, but a cool location will only get you so far.

I think of the 1951 science fiction classic The Thing which took place in an arctic military installation—a very cool location--and still scares the hell out of me to this very day—in just under 90 minutes.

The Rig features a deep-sea entity that has been disturbed by a rampaging oil company bent on destroying the environment.

Painful to Watch

This is especially important today, given the current bunch in Washington, but I was not drawn into the drama at all.

And what’s really annoying is that the show fell into that niche where I wasn’t particularly enjoying myself, but I had to see how the damn thing ended.

“Great cast, appalling script,” is how online reviewer described it, while another one said the show was “written by a child and painful to watch,” and then there was the person who declared “Got to Episode 3 and then wanted all the characters to die.”

Okay, that’s a little harsh, but think my favorite negative review is the one that said, “horrible—don’t watch it, wash your cat instead.”

Now there’s a thought. As a proud cat uncle, I don’t want to even think of such a scenario. The Rig isn’t that bad.

In all honesty, there were several good reviews, including a number of people who said don’t believe the low IMDB ratings. However, one person nailed it by saying The Rig was undone its sheer length.

“Although the five-hour miniseries does a good job, it's hard not to think that a pretty good series could have done its job better as a two-hour movie,” the reviewer concluded.

Exactly.

When I was growing up--boomer alert!—TV shows where aggressively episodic. While there was a running theme, the stories were usually completed in under an hour and then you tuned in the next week for another thrilling adventure of whomever.

Even a show like The Fugitive, which told the story of Dr. Richard Kimble, who goes on the run after being wrongfully convicted of his wife’s murder.

All the exposition is handled in the opening credits, so we can get on with the latest installment. The idea was that anyone could pick up on the show at any time and still understand what was going on.

Back then a two-part episode—a “two-parter”, as we called it—was a big event. We thought it was going to be a magical experience, but it was usually just a bloated episode of what we were watching every week.

That’s why I was so fascinated by early long-form TV shows like Breaking Bad, The Sopranos and Mad Men, with their well-developed characters and complicated story lines.

But great TV shows, like great novels, great plays or great anything are rare.

I’m looking around for another show to watch, although I may dig up a Harlan Coben miniseries I haven’t seen yet. There has to be one lying around some place.

Or maybe I should finally take my mother’s advice and turn off the TV and go read a book.

Whatever I do, I won’t be washing any cats.