More than You Could Ever Know

I emerged from the depths of Penn Station and the sounds of the city smacked me square in the mug.

I was returning home from a night in the Philadelphia suburbs where I had gone to attend a friend and former co-worker’s birthday party.

In addition to having a great time with fabulous people, I also achieved a personal milestone by breaking out of the Netflix comfort zone conundrum.

In short, I got up off my ass and did something different.

Now I was back in town, weary from the train ride and struck by the contrast with the environment I had left just hours earlier.

I had rented a place through Airbnb in this beautiful woodsy area. The apartment was massive—I could move in there tomorrow—and the morning was so lovely and peaceful.

So, obviously, the city with all its people, traffic and especially noise, gave me quite a jolt as I stepped out onto Seventh Avenue.

But amid the honking horns, blaring music, and the voices of people roaring into the phones like they're competing in a hog calling contest, one sound rose above the din and connected instantly with me ears.

It was Mariah Carey singing “All I Want for Christmas is You.”

I looked around and saw the song was emanating from a pedicab parked outside the train station.

And I feel pressured, especially now following the bruising presidential election and the deep divide that has come to define this country.

I know that I should do my bit to make things better, to reach out to people and be more understanding, especially at this time of the year.

And yet I know that I must also speak my truth, to let people know where I stand even at the risk of making them angry and driving them away.

So, this is why I am standing up and expressing myself in no uncertain terms:

I like “All I Want for Christmas is You.”

Yes, I know, this is a most unpopular point of view. The song, which was released on Oct. 29, 1994, and described by The New Yorker in 2006 as “one of the few worthy modern additions to the holiday canon” has since nosedived in public opinion polls.

What More Can I Do?

A survey by FinanceBuzz.com in 2022 found that the song—written by Carey and Walter Afanasieff--is considered the most annoying Christmas song in the U.S.

And a study three years earlier determined that “All I Want for Christmas is You” was the most unpopular holiday song in the United Kingdom.

Research from customer feedback company HappyOrNot revealed that this massive hit, which was selected by the Library of Congress for inclusion in the National Recording Registry, was named by retail workers as their least favorite festive song to hear while ringing up people’s items.

A poster on Reddit declared three years ago that “it hurts my ears and fries my brain.”

“So overused, esp in carrolling dances/presentations,” this person said. “I hate it bordering disgusted ugh."

“Me too... When did she become Christmas anyway?” another comment read. “She only sings one song and it makes all the dogs bark, glasses break, and babies cry!”

And then there’s this little gem from another irate individual:

“If I hear someone playing that song I will personally come to their home and take a bite out of every food product in their house and leave it like that.”

What the hell?

How could one song stir up such rage? Yeah, it’s overplayed, but so is “Jingle Bell Rock” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” Yet they don’t seem to generate a fraction of the hatred that “All I Want for Christmas is You” does.

There are so many other horrendous holiday songs that are infinitely worse than Mariah Carey’s tune.

Have you people ever heard “Mamacita, Donde esta Santa Clause” or “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”?

Or how about that audio atrocity “Dominick the Donkey” where Lou Monte spends half the song bleating like a sex-starved jackass?

Perhaps a couple of rounds with that aggravating ass might change your feelings about Mariah Carey’s holiday love song.

I think the song is bouncy and enjoyable and it gets me in the mood for the season...as much as anything can, I suppose. But I’m afraid to say that in public.

The Reddit thread had a few comments that praised Mariah Carey’s Christmas contribution, including this one:

“I actually like it. Luckily I never get into situations where I’m forced to listen to it, so it’s always a nice surprise if I catch a few moments of the ultimate Christmas feel-good jingle.”

Look, we just have to accept that we’re all different and that there are some things we will never agree on.

That shouldn’t divide us. We should celebrate our unique beliefs, let them bring us closer and make us stronger as a people.

But if you start playing “Dominick the Donkey”, brother, we’re going to war.