Rewinding the Clock

So, like just Mark Twain, it seems that reports of my air conditioner’s death have been greatly exaggerated.

The saga Five O’clock Charlie, my loudly ailing AC took another turn last week, and there was enough drama going on around here to power a week’s worth soap operas--most of which was my own doing.

As mentioned in the previous post, I was forced to order a new air conditioner when my formerly reliable kitchen unit began making all manner of hideous sounds.

I was less than thrilled about dropping 300 bucks, preferring to spend that dough on my upcoming vacation, but I couldn’t hack the godawful noise the thing was making, and I was genuinely concerned that it would explode and hurl shrapnel all over my home.

In addition to the expense, a new air conditioner meant redoing a job I thought had been completed and bugging one of my neighbors to install the thing--something I had really hoped to avoid.

He’s a great guy and very agreeable, but I hate bugging people if I can avoid it. Nevertheless, I texted him to request his help.

Looking back, I see that I gave entirely too much attention to this business. Yes, it’s a pain in the neck, but it wasn’t worthy of all the agita I was giving myself.

My father used to tell me that I look for things to worry about and this was a perfect example. I was buying an air conditioner, not a nuclear submarine.

So, one morning I got the notice from Amazon that my new GE AC was on the way and would be delivered before 5 PM.

It was pretty hot that day and I figured, oh, what the hell? I’ll get some more mileage out of Charlie before tossing him in garbage day. I could stand the racket for a little while longer.

Bracing myself for the unholy din that would emanate from this skosabong, I switched Charley on and I stared in amazement.

The thing was working perfectly.

No banging, no clanging, no rattling. Just a nice steady stream of cool air. It was a miracle cure.

“Now, you do this?” I shouted at the inanimate object. "Now, you decide to come back to life, you putz?"

I'm tempted to make some kind of Resurrection wisecrack, but being a good Catholic boy I don't want to risk riling up the Almighty.

The Last Mile

I half-wondered if Charlie had been playing possum this whole time, or maybe he suddenly realized that the mechanical version of the Grim Reaper was on his tail.

And then I got another notice from Amazon saying the new GE was being delivered soon.

Great. So, now I was going to be stuck with a brand-new machine that I probably wouldn’t need.

I checked the status on my phone again and I saw there was an option for cancelling my order. Seriously? Even at this late hour?

I went through my typical agony act, wondering if I just get the new appliance, which I would undoubtably need sooner or later? Or stick with the old one that seemed to be operating perfectly?

Did I want to be a cheapskate and hold on to device that had definitely seen its best days or waste money on new AC?

Finally, I scrubbed order the new machine and Five O’clock Charlie got a reprieve.

Amazon very kindly held up the order and took the charge off my bill. I don’t like wasting people’s time, but I also don’t like wasting money. And I don’t think I’m going to drive Jeff Bezos onto Skid Row.

I instantly regretted my action. Charlie is going to resume clanking any minute now, I told myself, you’ll have to order a new one and suffer through two more sweltering days without an air conditioner.

Well, it’s been a week and 5 O’clock Charlie is still behaving. The thing is even quieter than his cousin in my bedroom window.

I’m really hoping I made the right decision.

I was at the theater on Saturday, when I noticed that my favorite of dress shoes was in pretty rough shape. A chunk was missing from the toe cap of the right one and both soles were worn.

Due to the pandemic, I hardly wear my good shoes anymore, so I have no idea when or how this damage occurred.

These are my favorite shoes. Comfy, but still dressy. I’ve had them a long time and I’d hate to part with them, but I didn’t think they were worth repairing.

When I got home from the theater I tossed them into the trash.

No reprieve this time.