Ask the Question
I sat alone in the dark and asked myself a simple question.
For the last several years I’ve been getting up early to meditate.
I set a timer for 20 minutes and try to remain in the present moment.
It’s challenging, but when everything comes together, when I really focus on my breathing and nothing else, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.
During these moments I reach a place I like to call “The Clearing,” where I clear all the junk out of my head and live in the here and now.
Last week I hit a rough patch. While there is no such thing as a bad meditation, there were a couple of days when I wasn’t coming anywhere near the clearing.
Buddhists call this “monkey mind” where random thoughts bounce all over the place like a wild chimpanzee.
I was feeling stressed, I hadn’t been sleeping well, but I tried to accept this challenging period as part of life.
Baseball players go into slumps at times in their careers and they climb out of them…eventually.
On the third morning I got up and found myself in the monkey house once again.
I started to wonder why get up early if I wasn’t going to get anything out of my practice.
And that’s when I asked myself a simple question.
“Why are you doing this?”
The answer was swift and direct.
“To heal.”
It was so strange, it almost felt like someone else was whispering in my ear, but I knew it was me—the real me—whispering into my heart.
That’s why I get up early, that’s why I sit in the dark with a timer when I could be bundled under my blankets—because I want to undo all the damage I’ve done to myself over the years.
Shock the Monkey
Immediately I relaxed and began to breathe slower.
My monkey mind climbed down from the trees and went straight into the Clearing.
I salvaged that meditation, but also learned an important lesson about asking myself questions.
When I get caught in fear, anger or regret—F.A.R. for short—I try ask myself why am I doing this?
Why am I so fearful, so angry or so depressed?
It’s important to get the right tone when ask yourself these questions.
Don’t say something like “What the hell is wrong you?” or “Why are you so stupid?”
They’re a form of self-sabotage wearing a question mark for a disguise, and they won’t make your life any better.
They’ll just keep you in a rut.
Your tone should be curious and even-handed. You’re an investigator looking into your psyche, not an inquisitor looking for someone to punish.
I know that I’ve gone on these self-help crusades many times in the past, and my progress has been minimal. But I have made progress and that’s what keeps me going.
I’m going to slip up and fall back into old, destructive thought patterns, but I feel that I’m getting better at catching myself.
I saw a meme on Instagram declaring April as a power month for anyone who clicks on “Like’ beneath the image.
Yes, it’s ridiculous, but I’m going to play along and declare this month my Enchanted April—apologies to the 1991 film.
I’ve been trying to change my thinking so that I only allow empowering thoughts into my mind.
Negative, angry, hurtful thoughts are booted out—I’m the bouncer of my brain.
This has been rather challenging, given all the vast number of negative thoughts I have over the course of the day. I don't know how successful I'll be, but I won't stop asking why.
Comments
I'm glad you mentioned "inaction" as well, because my extreme reluctance to change has been a major obstacle in my life.
Take care!
"...clear all the junk out of my head and live in the here and now."
YES! YES! YES! Isn't it something how we so often live in either the past or the future, yet forget to live IN THE NOW, which is where everything we need is there if we simply take the time to "listen" and "stay present"? I have to remind myself about that all the time. But as you said, it starts to get a bit easier the more we practice and catch ourselves.
"Enchanted April" LOVE that!!!
Again, congrats on your journey and thanks for sharing it with us because we all needed to be reminded to ask ourselves, "Why?"
Have a terrific week, buddy!
Hey, Ron, thanks so much for your support. It means the world to me.
I am really trying to examine my thought patterns and get rid of the ones that don't work or have been doing me harm.
Living in the present is an important step in changing all the old stuff. And asking questions is another.
You're the best, buddy, and there's no question about that!
Take care!
Like you said, "I could be bundled under my blankets."
Quite honestly, it's become an addiction which I suspect is like your meditation time. While there hasn't been a huge weight loss to boast about, I also don't have physical pain in my knees, hips, back or other areas like many others in my age group (or even some younger). And, I am not a super athlete in the least.
Meditation makes you feel good as walking the treadmill or pedaling the bike does to me. I don't interact with anyone else and the time there is for myself, much like your is for you.
So we ask WHY but keep on doing, my friend.
Happy Easter!
Deep in our hearts we know meditation and working out are good for us. We just have to overcome that desire for immediate comfort.
Meditation is my quiet time in a very noisy world. And exercise can help shake off frustration and anxiety.
Take care!
From an early age we are told to pursue things: career, money, status. And to shun the "whys" life throws at us. In the case of men, this is almost like the template in every modern society, regardless of socioeconomic development. When you talk about undoing damage, I hear you. I've had to do the same for many years now. Meditation has played a part.
Greetings from London.
Thank you so much, Mario. I really appreciate your honest and insightful comments.
We are encouraged to shun the "whys" in favor of those pursuits you mentioned.
Take care!