Take a Seat

I feel like a villain in a Bond movie.

I recently treated to myself a new chair for my home office and this thing like looks it came straight off of the set of Thunderball.

I had been threatening to improve my seating arrangements for a couple of years, but now that my company has officially gone virtual, an upgrade became an imperative.

I spend so much time at the computer between my job, my own writing and screwing around on YouTube that I can no longer sit in the old straight back number I’ve been using for years.

So, one Friday after work I bounced up to a national office supply chain store--which shall go nameless--and perused their furniture.

I was set to check out the traditional office chairs lined up at the back of the store, but then I saw…the Emerge.

The Emerge is a gaming chair that is so unlike any other workplace seat I’ve ever seen before. And I had to have it.

…bonded leather back and seat…135 degree recline…adjustable height, arms, tilt tension and tilt lock…oh, tell me more.

Immediately the contrary voice cranked up in my head. It’s too big, too ostentatious, it’s not you. A good Catholic boy wouldn’t have something so outrageous and why the hell would you want a gaming chair anyway? This is for work.

And then I sat down and my internal nun immediately clammed up.

'Goodbye, Mr. Bond'

Sitting in the Emerge, I felt like Ernst Stavro Blofeld, 007’s feline fondling foe—minus the kitty. I felt like Captain Kirk taking on the Klingons. I felt like buying this sucker ASAP.

I pretended to look at those mundane chairs, but in my heart—and my keester—I knew which chair I wanted.

I set up the delivery for the following Monday and zipped home so proud of myself that I had finally scratched this item off my to do list.

And then I waited.

The day of delivery arrived and the van was so late that it put the cable company to shame.

The “delivery” was more of a drop-off, as the guy parked half-way down the block and then refused to bring it up to my apartment—and I live in a third-floor walk-up.

I had a nice, crisp 10-dollar bill that I promptly put back in my wallet and then wheeled the chair my block. I felt as if I had stolen the damn thing.

Going up the stairs was a nightmare, the wheels came off on the way up, and I went off the rails.

I’ll bet this never happened to Blofeld. Or the Klingons.

I finally got the chair into my apartment, reattached the wheels, and called the store to give them a piece of what was left of my mind.

I reasonably (for me) voiced my displeasure and demanded they chop off the 15 bucks they charged me for assembly as I had to rebuild the thing myself. They complied without an argument.

Now it’s important to remember that there is a risk of being too comfortable.

Sitting too long has been linked to heart disease, diabetes, strokes, high blood pressure, dementia and high cholesterol, so I make sure to get up and move around every half-hour or so.

I love looking at the Emerge parked in front of my computer and my back couldn’t be happier.

Now I’ll have to get a cat.