Empty Rooms
I walked into the place a few nights ago to look around and I thought of the times in my life when I had moved; all the hassle of packing up my life into boxes and suitcases and moving on to the next empty apartment.
I started to feel the itch. I love my apartment and I know I am lucky to have it, yet there’s a part of me that’s always looking for the next new place.
My company announced last week that, like so many other businesses, we’re giving up our office space and going virtual.
We had just moved into a fabulous new building in early 2020 when COVID-19 came crashing down on the world.
I despise commuting with all my heart, particularly now with onset of colder weather and the spread of the Delta variant.
But I hate the fact that we’re being driven out of our office and I’m worried about the impact that all this empty real estate is having on my city.
The New York Times reported that the financial district had staged an incredible comeback after being crippled by the 9/11 attacks, which happened 20 years ago this week.
But all the growth has been wiped away by the coronavirus pandemic.
“Lower Manhattan looks like a ghost town,” a guy at my gym said this morning.
Summer is ending, the days are growing shorter, and pretty soon I’ll be whining about how much I hate the cold weather, how this is my last winter in New York, and how I’m going to move to Los Angeles.
Anyone who knows me that I’ve been threatening to do this for years and it has yet to happen. But other people are making the jump. I broke one of my cardinal rules and checked up on a former great friend who ghosted me several years ago for reasons I will never know.
Fight the Future
The guy has been out of my life now for about eight years and while losing him was terribly painful, especially without any kind of explanation, I felt like I was moving on.
Until Friday.
That’s when I violated my personal Prime Directive and checked his Facebook page to see what he was up to and I learned that he had moved to L.A. a few weeks ago.
My former best buddy was really moving on, heading to the West Coast like I’ve been threatening to do since kindergarten.
And for some insane reason, I took this all very personally.
Everyone is making things happen except me, I ranted, I talk a good game, but I never do anything, and I have no goddamn friends.
Finally, I forced myself to look at all the great things I have in my life and thank God for my wonderful family, my steady paycheck, the roof over my head and the food on my table.
A lot of people would kill to have my so-called problems.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I find that gratitude is even more helpful. Taking the time to count your blessings is a very effective way of short-circuiting self-pity.
The experience was all the more terrible because it was self-inflicted. When I got up the next morning, I realized that I had freaked out because someone I haven’t seen in years changed his address.
But this incident showed me that I am still tightly bound to the past, especially the rotten stuff. I hold on to misery dating back the Johnson Administration, for God’s sake.
I complain about being ghosted, yet I’m behave like a ghost, wandering around creaky old memories, haunting other people’s social media accounts and rattling the chains that I forged, link by link and yard by yard.
There’s a self-help guru I like named Joe DiSpenza who talks about focusing on the future rather than wasting your efforts on the past.
If you think about what you want to accomplish, he said, your brain will actually change and start cranking out ideas for the next chapter of your life.
And one of my brothers pointed out to me that, given my virtual working status, I can do my job from anywhere on the planet.
I’m thinking that I may try subletting a place in L.A. in early 2022 to see if I actually like the place.
A vacant apartment may be empty of life, but it is also filled with all kinds of possibilities just waiting to happen.
Comments
"And one of my brothers pointed out to me that, given my virtual working status, I can do my job from anywhere on the planet.
I’m thinking that I may try subletting a place in L.A. in early 2022 to see if I actually like the place."
That's AWESOME! I know you've always wanted to give L.A. a go, so perhaps this a great time to do it. One of the positive things about COVID is that it's caused us to realize that because of businesses closing their brick and mortar locations, it's opened up the door to working "virtually." Many people can move anywhere, yet still do the same job.
I too am contemplating a move next year. I just renewed my lease (in which they did NOT raise my rent), so I'll be staying for one more year, which will allow me to save more money to move. I'll be sharing about all that on blog as the year moves forward.
Have SUPER week, buddy! And thanks for sharing!
Best wishes on making the right decision for you.
Hey Ron, what's happening?
Yes, the financial district is shockingly devoid of life. Pre-covid you could barely move because of all the people and now you could probably fire a cannon down Fulton Street and not hit anybody.
I remember there were tour groups walking up and down Wall Street while the workers were out buying lunch from the various food stands. It's heart-breaking to see how empty the streets are now.
Please do keep us informed of your movements. I want to know where you are and where you're headed!
Take care, buddy!
My family is one major reason keeping me in New York, but to be perfectly honest, fear is another reason.
I've talk about moving to LA for ages but when faced with the possibility of actually doing it, I tense up.
It'll be a huge adjustment, but maybe that's what I need. We'll see if I actually go through with it.
If nothing else I want to get my head clear and stop living in the past.
Looking back is something that many of us do far too often, so don't beat yourself up too hard.
Oh, Dorothy, thank you so much for your kindness and support.
My father once warned me that if you spend too much time looking back, you'll trip over something in front of you.
We are missing a lot in personal interactions and while I think we were headed to more virtual world eventually, the pandemic accelerated the shift much faster.
Take care and stay safe.