The 21 Club
After last week’s tirade, I thought I would focus this week on some of the things I’d like to work on in 2021.
I’ve been looking for a theme for this new year and I think I found it in a YouTube video.
Every January I watch several self-help speakers to put me in a positive frame of mind, and this one guy in particular—Les Brown—came up with a line that really spoke to me.
Find a way to win.
Isn’t that great? Simple, brief, and direct. Five words that tell me to quit complaining, stop making excuses, and get out there and live.
Getting out there is going to be a challenge in the Age of Covid and we’ll likely have a long, slow walk back to normal as people get vaccinated.
But at least I can get out of my head if I can’t get out of my apartment.
This is an on-going process, of course, not bound by the calendar, but I like using this time of the year to breathe life back into my dreams.
I’ve been slacking off on the writing lately, for example, coming up with excuses instead of results. It’s time to crank up the discipline, knock off the web-surfing, and make the magic happen.
Regret has been a real drag on my life and I’ve finally realized that this is another form of self-sabotage.
I regret some of the decisions I’ve made in my life, but constantly re-hashing them just wastes more time—and makes room for more regret, which then morphs into anger, resentment and hostility.
Truth Bombs
Fear has also been a millstone around my soul. Whether it was failing to change my routine, or moving to a new location, or bailing on bad relationships, I have often let fear take the steering wheel.
This course of action—or the lack of it—has resulted in disappointment and, yes, regret.
Years ago, when I was going to noontime services at Trinity Church, one of the priests, Father Mark, based his entire sermon on the line from the Gospel “The truth will make you free.”
“Notice that it says the truth will make you free,” Father Mark told us. “It does not say the truth will make you rich or make you popular. It just says the truth will make us free.”
Obviously, I don’t like admitting I was afraid to change, but that it is the truth and acknowledging that painful fact does make me free.
While many people wouldn’t hesitate making that move to get something they wanted, I just thought of what could go wrong.
The truth is that instead of finding a way to win, I often find a way to lose, to short-circuit my desires and stay stuck in one place.
A shrink once told me that by constantly ignoring his advice, I was winning by losing.
I didn’t appreciate his observation at the time, but now I understand what he was telling me. The fear of change kept me trapped in that awful comfort zone, but at least I didn’t have to take any risks.
I don’t blame anyone else for this behavior; I can’t. But I can acknowledge it, I can handle this truth and I can learn from it.
I can find a way to win.
Comments
I LOVE what your shrink said about winning by losing because that is so true. For all of us.
And I also love how you expressed this...
"This is an on-going process, of course, not bound by the calendar, but I like using this time of the year to breathe life back into my dreams."
When the COVID lockdown hit us last year, I knew intuitively it would be a time in which I would learn so much about myself. Or should I say, "relearn" about myself. As shitty as COVID has been, it's done a tremendous amount of good because it has forced us to "change" our perspective about a shitload of things. Personally, I've learned so much in the past year. And you have too, because I've seen it in your writing. You've grown so much by altering your perception.
I fear too. I think most of us do. However, I don't like being afraid; therefore I make myself do things that scare me. Have I done them all? No way. But, I've done walked through a lot of my fears in my life. And I will continue to do so.
That quote by Mark Twain is so beautiful!
So keep going, buddy. You're doing great!
Have a superb week!
Thanks for me backing up in my journey. I love your line of about walking through your fears--that's just brilliant!
You have indeed learned a lot this past year and I commend you for it.
Covid has been a terrible ordeal, but the bad experiences often provide the most important lessons.
Take care, buddy, and be well!
Oh, you are the best! It's great knowing that you and Ron have got my back. And rest assured the support is definitely mutual!
Take care and much love!
Why?
Because it's honest and open and you are not afraid to be yourself. Believe me that's very unusual because most of us, myself included, have that fear of opening up. We don't want to be judged or misjudged by what we say and many times do not really share what we're thinking. It's a common denominator.
Fear of the unknown is a common denominator and can hold many of us back. Good for you in recognizing that it's been an Achilles heel. One of mine is not reacting to something immediately, but procrastinating a bit. I'm working on that one, slowly but surely.
By the way, I liked the image of Jack Nicolson/Col Jessup from A Few Good Men and can just hear him shouting it to Tom Cruise/Lt Daniel Kaffee . . . "You Can't Handle the Truth"
No, not tired of the New year talk because we have a whole year to get through.
Beatrice, thank you so much!
I am trying to change and that's only going to happen if I am truly honest with myself.
And I appreciate that you shared your procrastination issue. Shining a light on these problems is the first step in driving them away.
I just couldn't resist the Nicholson photo!
Happy New Year!