One Door Closes…
We were just four ships that passed in the night.
I went to the Japan Society one recent Friday night to catch a jazz combo and break out of the Netflix-and-takeout syndrome.
The organization hosts some enjoyable events, including music, lectures, and film screenings, and I always enjoy strolling through the gallery.
After taking in the sights and sounds for a while, I decided to call it a night.
As I walked to the front door, I saw that three young women were coming in.
I had a little of bit lead time on them, so I did the gentlemanly thing. I opened the door, stepped to one side, and held it for them as they walked into the lobby.
And they kept on walking.
They were doing a lot of talking, these three, but one thing they didn’t say was “thank you.” This trio of ingrates didn’t even look in my direction.
I’ve experienced this kind of insensitivity occasionally and most times I shrug it off, or even laugh at some people’s amazingly crass behavior.
But this night was different. The brazen rudeness really got to me and I was getting so I angry that I was becoming unhinged.
“Yeah, sure,” I muttered under my breath, “Because I’m just the fucking doorman, right?”
I stood there a moment longer as a fourth woman, not associated with these losers, walked up to the door.
“Thank you,” she said with a smile.
You see? Was that hard? I know that virtue is its own reward, but a simple show of gratitude can up the ante on that virtue a hundredfold.
My sister is not shy in expressing her displeasure with such poor portal behavior.
If someone blows by her without any acknowledgement, they can count on a snarky “you’re welcome” from my sibling.
The thing is, I enjoy holding the door open for people. It is a simple courtesy that most people really appreciate.
My parents taught us all to be polite, so I feel like I’m also honoring their memory when I perform these acts of kindness.
The Art of Manliness website has an article about holding the door open for women in relation to dating, but they also say you should hold doors regardless of gender.
“Holding doors open isn’t something you need to do just for women,” the article said. “It’s an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be man or woman. If you get to the door first before a dude, holding the door open for him is completely fine.”
...Another One Closes
Exactly. Last year I was walking into the Oculus in lower Manhattan and I held the door for a young man who was leaving.
“Thank you, brother,” he said.
Three simple words, but they gave me such a boost that I still remember it even though this happened so long ago. Words can have such an impact on people and that’s why it’s important to choose them carefully.
New York—along with the rest of the world—can be pretty harsh, so pleasant encounters can make life just a little easier.
Now there was another recent door incident that was as equally unforgettable as my Oculus encounter, but for far different reasons.
I was leaving an office building in Downtown Brooklyn when I saw a young woman heading for the door. I did my usual routine, stepping aside and holding the door open so she could go in.
But instead of proceeding, this woman stopped dead in her tracks and gave me this hostile look.
“That’s all right,” she snapped.
Surprised, I let the door go. As I walked away, I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was standing motionless and watching the door slowly close.
When it was completely shut, she pulled it open yourself and walked into the building.
Well, okay, lady, I thought, I don’t know what kind of hairy bug you got crawling up your ass, but have a nice day.
Now that Art of Manliness article discusses this issue as well—though, again, it’s more for dating than day-to-day encounters.
“Some women will tell you straight up that they don’t like doors opened for them. Fair enough,” it says. “Just respect that, let her open her own doors, and don’t make a federal case of it.”
All might, so maybe this woman doesn’t want anyone’s help. Or perhaps she was having a bad day and just needed to make a stand of some kind, no matter how pointless.
I think that’s what was going on with me as I was leaving the Japan Society.
I had gone there to keep up on my vow to socialize more and I was telling myself that had done a good job.
But something was nagging at me as I left and I didn’t admit it until after my encounter with the doorway dimwits.
Yeah, I had “socialized,” but I didn’t interact with anyone outside of the bartender. I was there, but I didn’t engage with anyone. I just showed up.
And that residual anger was eating at me while I opened the door because I hadn’t made a sincere effort to connect with people. I could’ve stayed home with Netflix and made the same amount of contacts.
It’s important to live mindfully, to acknowledge what’s hurting you as soon you can. You don’t want to carry that misery around with you because you are bound to overreact to trivial situations.
Open the door to self-awareness and let your best self walk in.
You’ll get the best "thank you" ever.
I went to the Japan Society one recent Friday night to catch a jazz combo and break out of the Netflix-and-takeout syndrome.
The organization hosts some enjoyable events, including music, lectures, and film screenings, and I always enjoy strolling through the gallery.
After taking in the sights and sounds for a while, I decided to call it a night.
As I walked to the front door, I saw that three young women were coming in.
I had a little of bit lead time on them, so I did the gentlemanly thing. I opened the door, stepped to one side, and held it for them as they walked into the lobby.
And they kept on walking.
They were doing a lot of talking, these three, but one thing they didn’t say was “thank you.” This trio of ingrates didn’t even look in my direction.
I’ve experienced this kind of insensitivity occasionally and most times I shrug it off, or even laugh at some people’s amazingly crass behavior.
But this night was different. The brazen rudeness really got to me and I was getting so I angry that I was becoming unhinged.
“Yeah, sure,” I muttered under my breath, “Because I’m just the fucking doorman, right?”
I stood there a moment longer as a fourth woman, not associated with these losers, walked up to the door.
“Thank you,” she said with a smile.
You see? Was that hard? I know that virtue is its own reward, but a simple show of gratitude can up the ante on that virtue a hundredfold.
My sister is not shy in expressing her displeasure with such poor portal behavior.
If someone blows by her without any acknowledgement, they can count on a snarky “you’re welcome” from my sibling.
The thing is, I enjoy holding the door open for people. It is a simple courtesy that most people really appreciate.
My parents taught us all to be polite, so I feel like I’m also honoring their memory when I perform these acts of kindness.
The Art of Manliness website has an article about holding the door open for women in relation to dating, but they also say you should hold doors regardless of gender.
“Holding doors open isn’t something you need to do just for women,” the article said. “It’s an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be man or woman. If you get to the door first before a dude, holding the door open for him is completely fine.”
...Another One Closes
Exactly. Last year I was walking into the Oculus in lower Manhattan and I held the door for a young man who was leaving.
“Thank you, brother,” he said.
Three simple words, but they gave me such a boost that I still remember it even though this happened so long ago. Words can have such an impact on people and that’s why it’s important to choose them carefully.
New York—along with the rest of the world—can be pretty harsh, so pleasant encounters can make life just a little easier.
Now there was another recent door incident that was as equally unforgettable as my Oculus encounter, but for far different reasons.
I was leaving an office building in Downtown Brooklyn when I saw a young woman heading for the door. I did my usual routine, stepping aside and holding the door open so she could go in.
But instead of proceeding, this woman stopped dead in her tracks and gave me this hostile look.
“That’s all right,” she snapped.
Surprised, I let the door go. As I walked away, I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was standing motionless and watching the door slowly close.
When it was completely shut, she pulled it open yourself and walked into the building.
Well, okay, lady, I thought, I don’t know what kind of hairy bug you got crawling up your ass, but have a nice day.
Now that Art of Manliness article discusses this issue as well—though, again, it’s more for dating than day-to-day encounters.
“Some women will tell you straight up that they don’t like doors opened for them. Fair enough,” it says. “Just respect that, let her open her own doors, and don’t make a federal case of it.”
All might, so maybe this woman doesn’t want anyone’s help. Or perhaps she was having a bad day and just needed to make a stand of some kind, no matter how pointless.
I think that’s what was going on with me as I was leaving the Japan Society.
I had gone there to keep up on my vow to socialize more and I was telling myself that had done a good job.
But something was nagging at me as I left and I didn’t admit it until after my encounter with the doorway dimwits.
Yeah, I had “socialized,” but I didn’t interact with anyone outside of the bartender. I was there, but I didn’t engage with anyone. I just showed up.
And that residual anger was eating at me while I opened the door because I hadn’t made a sincere effort to connect with people. I could’ve stayed home with Netflix and made the same amount of contacts.
It’s important to live mindfully, to acknowledge what’s hurting you as soon you can. You don’t want to carry that misery around with you because you are bound to overreact to trivial situations.
Open the door to self-awareness and let your best self walk in.
You’ll get the best "thank you" ever.
Comments
Funny you mentioned "holding the door" because I feel very much the same way. I enjoy holding the door open for people (women AND men), I really do. And it's automatic for me, I don't even think before doing it. I just do it. But like you, I've had people totally oblivious to opening the door for them. And it's not even saying thank you that annoys me, but more so the fact that they are unconscious of anyone else around them. I had a girl do the same thing to me several months ago and when she totally ignored me, I couldn't help myself by say, "Oh.... you are so welcome, PRINCESS!"
Believe it or not though, most of the men I hold the door open for do say, "Thank you."
Again, great post, buddy!
And "Thank you! "
"You're so welcome, PRINCESS!"
Oh, that is just so RON!!
Good for you! The nitwit probably didn't get it, but at least you expressed yourself, brother, and that's important!
People are so tuned into their own stuff now. They're looking at their phones, or listening to music, and they don't connect with anyone else. I think many people just don't know how to act.
It's interesting that men seem to be more appreciative. Maybe they're surprised by another man's good manners.
But let's keep opening those doors, buddy. We may be part of a shrinking minority, but we are definitely in the right!
Hi, Bijoux:
The phones (and the headphones) are definitely a large part of the problem. And point well taken about the lack of human interaction because I think that can lead to a lack of empathy.
Letting the door slam in front of you is annoying as hell!
Take care!