Phone and Games

I was doing fine until the cat showed up.

Getting your smartphone hacked can be a real nightmare. I know this because I had a nightmare where my smartphone got hacked.

If that sounds strange to you, don’t worry; it’s about to get a lot weirder.

By this time in my life, I should probably be accustomed to the technicolor ravings of the red-eyed mutant carnival that I call my subconscious mind.

I’ve been having these bizarre mental home movies for as far back as I can remember, so there shouldn’t be any surprises.

And yet I still find ways of freaking myself out.

This latest detour into Loonyville began with me calling a former coworker for reasons I don’t recall. She wasn’t home, so I spoke with her husband, who sounded like a nice guy—at least in the dream he did. He even invited me over for dinner.

As soon as I got done speaking with this gentleman, I spotted an alley cat across the street. I’m forever posting photos of cats on Facebook and Instagram and I thought this fellow looked like a perfect candidate. He even hung around while I set up the shot.

Most cats will either bolt outright or contort themselves until all you have for your efforts is a dozen shots of the backs of their heads.

I focused my phone on this fearless feline, but instead of seeing his image on the screen, I got linked into some Asian dating site.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t get take a picture. I kept scrolling through a series of profiles with photos of young women that were accompanied by Asian lettering I assumed to be their biographies.

How did this happen? And, more importantly, what the hell could I do about it?

For a Good Time Call…

I’m notoriously hopeless with computers and smart phones and just about any other device that’s more sophisticated than a squeeze mop. I finally decided I had to go to my local computer store for help. The cat had long since wandered off.

It was dark out—dark like winter, dark like streetlights hadn’t been invented and the sun had gone on strike. And the streets seemed devoid of people and traffic or any other signs of life.

I was trudging up Fifth Avenue in my neighborhood when it occurred to me that the store might be closed.

No problem, I thought, I’ll call them on my phone.

And then I remember that my phone had been turned into a handheld lonely hearts club.

I looked around and spotted a payphone, which are pretty much extinct in reality. But that didn’t matter, since the second I turned toward the phone, some loser came bolting out of the darkest end of nowhere, cut in front of me, and started punching the buttons.

Hey, pal, was your smartphone hacked by an Asian dating site, too? If not, get the hell out of my way.

Thankfully, this is where I woke up and in the morning I attempted to decipher these twisted images.

The call to the former coworker? I suspect that was related to a feeling of unfinished business and a desire for connection.

As far as the meaning of the dating site, well, I am giving some thought to trying online dating, but I still don’t understand the Asian angle.

The hacked phone and the jerk hogging the payphone both clearly represented feelings of frustration and resentment. Lately, I feel like I’m going nowhere and it’s getting on my nerves.

The cat, I think, was just a cat. But I suspect he knew more than he was letting on.

Now I’d like to take that payphone image one step further. Payphones are antiquated, outdated, and in the way—like a lot of the thoughts rambling around my head. It’s time to get rid of them.

So that’s the latest installment of my internal soap opera. Can’t wait to see what my psyche comes up with next.

Now you’ll have to excuse me as I have dinner date with some people who don’t know it yet.