Hey, Nineteen
I don’t like this.
The thought came to me this morning while I was washing the dishes.
My mind had been slogging through some negative territory—I honestly forget now what the hell was bugging me—and I suddenly realized just how uncomfortable I was feeling.
I didn’t like this state of mind and I told myself exactly that: I don’t like this.
It sounds like something a two-year-old says when you try to feed him vegetables. Four simple words, but they were enough to get me into the present moment and away from the hostile path I had chosen.
I believe this awareness is largely due to my meditation practice. I had a particularly relaxing experience this morning and I’m slowly seeing that peace of mind is more enjoyable than the internal turmoil I typically inflict upon myself.
The holidays are officially over and now the work on those New Year’s resolutions gets real. I want to be more positive, so I’m monitoring my thoughts more carefully because the bad intentions have a way of taking over before you know it.
I saw a recent sermon by Joel Osteen that has also been helpful. Yes, I know, he’s a televangelist, and these people can irate the ever-loving hell out of me, but I like this guy.
He’s a Christian with a positive, helpful message. After eight years of Catholic school, where the nuns and priests couldn’t wait to tell us what demonic little scumbags we all were, Joel Osteen is a welcome relief.
This particular message was based on the last words of Jesus on the cross: “It is finished.”
Joel said that Jesus wasn’t just talking about His life. He was also talking about us, the people for whom He died.
Row, Row, Row Your Brain
All the guilt, shame, bad breaks, foolish decisions, all the crap that we use to torture ourselves with, well, it’s time to say goodbye and start living a happy life.
It is finished. A simple phrase--kind of like “I don’t like this.”
Of course, this is easier sermonized than said, but I’m okay with that. It’s a good direction to follow—as opposed to blundering around in the dark like I have been for so long.
I’ve been scouring YouTube lately for self-help messages to keep my spirits up and I came across the author Teal Swan, who discussed the idea of fragmentation in our personalities. We think of ourselves as one person, she said, but actually we’re made up of a whole bunch of people.
“This means that even though we call our self by one name and therefore identify ourselves as being one unified thing, the reality is that we are more of an amalgamation of fragmented parts or selves,” she writes. “We are more like a mosaic or a stained-glass window. Our degree of internal suffering is about the degree of harmony (or lack thereof) between these internal selves.”
So, for example, while there’s a part of you that wants to go out for a night on the town, there’s also that part of you that wants to stay home with a bucket of wonton soup and the latest Netflix selection, the rest of humanity be damned.
I would like to get all these various versions of myself working together, like a coxswain on a rowing team.
In my bid to get out more, I decided on Friday night to see a selection of one-act plays at the Gallery Players, a Park Slope theater company I've been meaning to check out for years. As usual, my inner introvert started complaining about the cold weather and late hours.
I didn’t argue, I didn’t try to reason with this guy. I just got ready, went out the door, took a 20-minute train ride, and had a great time. No agonizing, no worries, and all the drama took place on the stage.
I like this.
The thought came to me this morning while I was washing the dishes.
My mind had been slogging through some negative territory—I honestly forget now what the hell was bugging me—and I suddenly realized just how uncomfortable I was feeling.
I didn’t like this state of mind and I told myself exactly that: I don’t like this.
It sounds like something a two-year-old says when you try to feed him vegetables. Four simple words, but they were enough to get me into the present moment and away from the hostile path I had chosen.
I believe this awareness is largely due to my meditation practice. I had a particularly relaxing experience this morning and I’m slowly seeing that peace of mind is more enjoyable than the internal turmoil I typically inflict upon myself.
The holidays are officially over and now the work on those New Year’s resolutions gets real. I want to be more positive, so I’m monitoring my thoughts more carefully because the bad intentions have a way of taking over before you know it.
I saw a recent sermon by Joel Osteen that has also been helpful. Yes, I know, he’s a televangelist, and these people can irate the ever-loving hell out of me, but I like this guy.
He’s a Christian with a positive, helpful message. After eight years of Catholic school, where the nuns and priests couldn’t wait to tell us what demonic little scumbags we all were, Joel Osteen is a welcome relief.
This particular message was based on the last words of Jesus on the cross: “It is finished.”
Joel said that Jesus wasn’t just talking about His life. He was also talking about us, the people for whom He died.
Row, Row, Row Your Brain
All the guilt, shame, bad breaks, foolish decisions, all the crap that we use to torture ourselves with, well, it’s time to say goodbye and start living a happy life.
It is finished. A simple phrase--kind of like “I don’t like this.”
Of course, this is easier sermonized than said, but I’m okay with that. It’s a good direction to follow—as opposed to blundering around in the dark like I have been for so long.
I’ve been scouring YouTube lately for self-help messages to keep my spirits up and I came across the author Teal Swan, who discussed the idea of fragmentation in our personalities. We think of ourselves as one person, she said, but actually we’re made up of a whole bunch of people.
“This means that even though we call our self by one name and therefore identify ourselves as being one unified thing, the reality is that we are more of an amalgamation of fragmented parts or selves,” she writes. “We are more like a mosaic or a stained-glass window. Our degree of internal suffering is about the degree of harmony (or lack thereof) between these internal selves.”
So, for example, while there’s a part of you that wants to go out for a night on the town, there’s also that part of you that wants to stay home with a bucket of wonton soup and the latest Netflix selection, the rest of humanity be damned.
I would like to get all these various versions of myself working together, like a coxswain on a rowing team.
In my bid to get out more, I decided on Friday night to see a selection of one-act plays at the Gallery Players, a Park Slope theater company I've been meaning to check out for years. As usual, my inner introvert started complaining about the cold weather and late hours.
I didn’t argue, I didn’t try to reason with this guy. I just got ready, went out the door, took a 20-minute train ride, and had a great time. No agonizing, no worries, and all the drama took place on the stage.
I like this.
Comments
There's a simple and quick grounding exercise which I've found really useful. It's called 5,4,3,2,1. It goes like this. Wherever you are, find five things that you can see. Really SEE them. Imagine what they'd feel like, if it helps, but it shouldn't take more than a few seconds. Next, find four things to touch, and again, really experience the touch and fill your mind with it, but again, only for a matter of seconds. Find three things you can hear, and focus on isolating them from the background and listen properly to them for a few seconds. Next isolate two things you can smell, and finally examine your sense of taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like? It might be that you've recently eaten or drunk something which makes it easy, but if not, ask yourself is the taste inside your mouth sweet, sour, bitter ... ? Once you've run through all that, you should find that you are breathing more quietly and you feel quite a bit calmer. Try it and let me know if it works for you!
I know what you're saying. I was skeptical when I first heard about the guy. He's got his agenda and he certainly does well for himself, but I have so much negativity in my head that I need a jolt of positive energy to keep me moving forward.
I watch him on Sunday mornings while I eat my breakfast and it's not costing me anything, so what the heck?
I've heard about Joyce Meyer, but I don't know much else beyond the name.
Take care!
I just tried 5,4,3,2,1 and I think it's brilliant! This technique really made me slow down and experience the moment.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I'll make sure to use it regularly.
Take care!
Exactly, Rob! And I am sooooooo happy to hear how it's helping you. That's probably "the most" wonderful thing I've learned through meditation - it's makes me more consciously "aware" of my thoughts and feelings - allowing me to stop and retrain my perspectives. Meditation seems to bring me back to "my center" where I can see things differently.
"All the guilt, shame, bad breaks, foolish decisions, all the crap that we use to torture ourselves with, well, it’s time to say goodbye and start living a happy life.
It is finished. A simple phrase--kind of like “I don’t like this.”
That's AWESOME!
Happy for you, buddy! I have a wonderful feeling that 2019 is going to be a great year of growth and progress for you!
Cheers!
Hey, Ron, so great to hear from you!
Mediation is important for creating awareness and bringing us back to our center, as you so eloquently put it. I'm so glad I stuck with the practice because it is slowly starting to change my perspective. I'm also keeping a journal to track my progress.
Happy New Year, buddy! I'm wishing you and your loved ones nothing but the best for 2019!
Take care!