Sunday, July 30, 2017

Dream of My Father

My father and I had a nice chat the other night, even though he died 10 years ago.

This was a dream, of course, but I was grateful to have a enjoyable meeting with my dad, even if I had to be asleep to make it happen.

I was standing in my parent’s bedroom at our family’s old house on Senator Street, where I used to sleep after they died.

Apparently, I was still living there because I was putting away some clothes when my father just strolled into the room and started talking to me.

He was elderly, but in relatively good condition, a sharp contrast to his final years, when dementia and mounting physical problems had robbed him of so much of his memory and mobility.

I can’t remember one single thing we talked about, but I do remember that it was a pleasant conversation. There was no arguing, no shouting, no rude interruptions, or sarcastic remarks that marred far too many of our real-life encounters.

One thing from the dream does stand out very clearly in my mind: after my father and I had talked for a while, my dad started telling me about the health benefits of coffee and advised me to start drinking the stuff.

I’ve never been a coffee drinker, no how, no way, and I don’t see that changing now despite my father’s good intentions.

So why this dream at that particular time? I believe my subconscious was searching for peace and reassurance.

No Tea or Tomato Juice

I was flying to the Midwest that morning, and, as usual, I was nervous as hell.

My fear of flying is legendary and can only be abated by serious amounts of Xanax.

On top of that, I hate dealing with people at the airports because I’m convinced that there will be some bit of paperwork, some form of identification that I forgot, or something will be wrong with my boarding pass, and then I’ll be drop-kicked out of the door like an old suitcase and be forced to watch my plane depart from the ground with all the other rubes.

And, to be unblinkingly honest, I still have some lingering resentments toward my dad—yes, even after all these years. The hostile memories serve no earthly purpose now, except to make me unhappy, yet I keep hitting the rewind button in my mind and go through them one more time.


So, I really needed to calm down and move on and I think my mind chose a peaceable talk with my father to help me do both.

My brain was making a peace offering to myself and telling me to let go of the fear and bitterness, and all that other grief from the past.

And I have to say it worked because when I woke up I felt very calm and relaxed--not relaxed enough to board the plane without a bucketful of tranquilizers—let’s not be ridiculous here--but I was amazingly serene considering I was scheduled to be streaking through the sky in just a few hours.

The Midwest trip was an absolute blast and I’m happy to report that I didn’t get bounced off any planes. I’ve got another trip coming up in August and I’m sure my mind will be searching for more calming images to get me through that adventure.

I’d better put on a pot of coffee.

6 comments:

Ron said...

Beautifully expressed post, Rob! I so enjoy the way you write!

Ironic that you posted about a dream you had of your father because for the past several weeks, I've been thinking of my own father and putting to rest some of the things that still, at moments, affect my outlook on certain things in my life. I think it will always be something that I have to stay conscious of and grow through.

So glad to hear that your trip was a blast, that's awesome! I've never been to the Midwest (Chicago) but have heard really great things about it.

Thanks again for sharing, buddy. Have a fantastic week!

Bijoux said...

Oh my gosh, Rob, isn't it amazing how our minds work when we are asleep? My worst nights are always when I'm flying the next morning. I'm not sure I ever even make it to dreamland! I'm glad your trip went well and I hope you post about it.

Rob K said...

Hi, Bijoux! Dreams are a never-ending source of fascination for me. They are the fun-house mirror reflection of our minds and it's incredible when you sit down and try to decode what they mean.


And flying can bring out all sorts of nasty dreams indeed!

Take care!

CrystalChick said...

While I was reading your post I smiled at the no coffee part since I have a cup sitting next to me. It's an everyday thing for us. We like tea too. I'm not fond of tomato juice, but one of Ron's fav drinks is a 'Bloody Mary'. At a restaurant recently he ordered one and it had bacon in it.
It's nice to wake calmly, remembering a pleasant interaction with your father.
Glad you had a good trip!

Rob K said...

@Ron!

Hey, buddy, what's up?

I'm glad you're putting some of those issues to rest. The past can definitely intrude on the present very easily if you're not careful. And you're right--you will always have to to be aware of these issues and continue to grow.

And I know you can do it!

Take care!

Rob K said...

@Mary:

Hey, thanks for stopping by! Great to hear from you! I don't like coffee or tomato juice, but that's just me!

Take care!