Sunday, June 11, 2017

Junk in the Trunk

There’s a void in my life and I’m loving every inch of it.

For the last eight months, I have been sharing my living room with the lifeless carcasses of my old TV, DVD player, and printer.

I got a new TV and DVD player in October and a new printer before that, but instead of junking the junk appliances, I merely moved the deceased devices a few inches over to the right and…just left them there.

You may be wondering why I did this? I know I sure as hell am.

Why in God’s holy name did I elect to keep this zombie pile of tubes, circuits, and wires prominently displayed in my home for nearly a year as if it were a Warhol original?

Well, I’m sorry to say the answer is similar to the same excuse I offered when I took so long to buy a new TV in the first goddamn place. I was afraid to make a decision.

I couldn’t carry that monstrous TV down three flights of stairs because of my bad back and the sanitation crew wouldn’t take it even if I could because of the restrictions on tossing out old electronics.

Which meant I would have to hire someone to do it and risk—dramatic pause—making the wrong decision.

Now how the hell anyone could pick the wrong junk man I don’t honestly know, but this irrational fear caused my brain to overload and drove me to do what I do best—which is nothing.

Every morning I’d get up, walk out to the living room to meditate and stretch and that crap heap would be one of the first things I’d see.

Things deteriorated to a point where I unknowingly accepted this unacceptable situation, subconsciously deciding that this flotsam and jetsam was a permanent part of stately Robbo manor.

Haul, Yeah!

This is a seriously corrupt state of mind and it can extend far beyond holding onto garbage. If you’re not careful you can find yourself unwittingly agreeing to all sorts of unpleasant situations, thoughts, and people.

Last week I finally got fed up. I was sick of telling myself, “oh, yeah, you’ve got to find someone to haul this crap” and set about to actually find someone to haul that crap.

And I soon learned that it was pretty easy. I jumped on Craigslist and got two quotes that I thought were a little pricy at $200 and $225 respectively.

A third outfit offered to take the stuff for fifty bucks and I regret not owning a gavel so I crack it down upon my old TV like Maxwell’s Silver Hammer and shout “sold!”

The young fellow who agreed to take my junk took most of Thursday to get here, constantly texting me that he was close by but never showing up.

I started going through my “wrong decision” routine, but I couldn’t see any potential confab in blowing off the appointment. Unless you’re working an internet scam, you pretty much have to show up before you can rip off.

The dude finally arrived after dinner, apparently coming to Bay Ridge by way of Montreal, tossed that big old TV in a battered pickup and revved up the engine.

I was going to tip him five bucks, but after he claimed to be light on smaller denominations, I handed over three twenties and wished him Godspeed. If that was a scam, it was pretty mild.

I was stunned when I went back upstairs and looked down upon that beautiful blank space next to the TV table.

I felt 50 pounds lighter and much happier now that the honored dead had finally been shuffled off to Buffalo, Brazil, Bensonhurst or wherever the hell that guy took it.

And I have big plans for my newly created gap. I’m going to install…nothing, zilch, nada, niente, and ugatz. (Do you sense a theme here?)

I want to enjoy the wide-open space in all its primal beauty and so I will not put a single thing in that newly liberated zone.

Sorry, Andy.


Jay said...

You pay people to take your junk? Try Freecycle! It's amazing what people will come and take off your hands, and no money changes hands!

However, I'm not the best person to criticise someone who has trouble getting junk out of their house. You remember that blog post about getting rid of the clutter in our spare room? Yeah, it's still there.


Bijoux said...

I love getting rid of junk. I'm lucky to live in a city that takes just about any piece of crap on Saturday mornings. Problem is, you have to find a way to get it to the drop off!

Ron said...

"I want to enjoy the wide-open space in all its primal beauty and so I will not put a single thing in that newly liberated zone."

Brava, Rob! Isn't it wonderful?

As you know, I live in a studio apartment; therefore any free (uncluttered) space is so important. I've had something similar occur in past years, where my computer, printer, etc, died, and had to dispose of them after I purchased new. Fortunately, my apartment building has a trash room where I am able to place stuff like that, where it will be taken away. Thank god too, because I have no idea how else I would dispose of them, living in a city.

Enjoy your new wide-open space, buddy! And have a faaaaaabulous week!

Rob K said...

Hey, Ron! That's cool that your building can take that crap away. Otherwise you may find yourself with an unwanted roommate--who won't do the dishes!

You've inspired me to get more aggressive in cleaning out my place. I want my freedom!

Take care, buddy!

Rob K said...

@Bijoux! Isn't great getting rid of useless stuff? It is so liberating to free yourself of what you no longer need. As long as you get to the drop off point!

Rob K said...

@Jay--thanks so much, I'll give it a try!

I was toying with the idea of finding someone to haul my junk for free, but it seemed like I was just procrastinating. So I paid more than perhaps I should've but thanks to you I know better!

A Cuban In London said...

Agree. Frecycle is a life-saviour. :-)

Greetings from London.

Rob K said...

Excellent! I've got to try that outfit!

CrystalChick said...

Wonderful feeling to free up a bit of space. Good for you!
'Bay Ridge by way of Montreal ' lol! An old friend used to run on 'ish' time, some just can't manage much of a schedule.
I have a couple bags started for donation. A couple places will come for free, others you have to drop off. Many items can be put on the curb, if trash company doesn't take, a local picker usually will.

Rob K said...

Hey, Mary!

It feels good to get rid of the crap you no longer need. Good point about the local picker. There's always somebody around willing to take your stuff!