The Captain’s Tears

“Have you ever thought of yourself as a captain of a ship?”

That one made me laugh. If I had to come up with a nautical image of myself, it would probably be as a lowly seaman flopping around below decks with a mop and a bucket.

Hell, I’m so frightened of open water I’m liable to screech “abandon ship!” while rowing in Central Park Lake

But Kathryn, my healer and mystic, said my spirits were giving her this ship captain message loud and clear.

“They’re saying you’re more in alignment now,” she said. “You’re more in control.”

I went to see Kathryn today for another one of her brilliant energy sessions. It is particularly important to do this now because tomorrow I am starting a new job.

Yes, that’s right. I’ve been hired as a business writer for a large publishing company and while I’m excited and grateful beyond words, I’m also scared clear out of my mind.

I knew I needed a session with Kathryn to help calm my nerves, as I was cranky and irritable for most of Saturday, and rather poor company during an afternoon theater outing with my dear auntie and sister. (Sorry, ladies.)

After the treatment, Kathryn said my energy flow has improved in the year or so that we’ve been working together.

“I used to feel a lot of spasms when I worked on you,” she said. “But there’s only a few now.”

Kathryn also told me that my trip to Hawaii in December was very important for me because I broke away from my usual routine, met some really fabulous people, and have an overall great time.

“You’re spirits are happy because you’re happy,” she said.

And then I started crying, something I often do during Kathryn’s treatments.

Anchors Aweigh

It’s hard to explain why I do this—besides the fact that I’m a certifiable loon, of course-but when I work with Kathryn I feel this need to release pent-up emotions.

“Is the captain supposed to cry?” I asked, laughing between the tears.

“The captain cries all the time,” Kathryn said.

Well, this captain sure as hell does--and that’s okay.

I must say I do love this image of a ship’s commander. I have spent far too many years agonizing over one thing or another only to find myself sinking into some very dark waters.

A captain, however, is decisive and takes responsibility for those decisions. He or she is alert, mindful, and ready to change course at a moment’s notice.

Kathryn also encouraged me to do some walking qigong to build a stronger connection with the earth. So now I have a nice combination of land and sea.

It feels strange not searching through the job sites anymore, after checking the online want ads nearly every day for the last year. But I'm not complaining.

Of course now I’m getting calls from people looking to interview me, following the old “feast or famine" scenario. I sincerely thanked these people for their interest and respectfully declined their kind invitations.

This sudden popularity is a sharp and welcomed contrast to the code of silence that greeted me when my old job went south.

My new office is located on Third Avenue near Grand Central Terminal, one of my absolute favorite New York landmarks and a place that I feel is filled with all kinds of energy.

So tomorrow I set sail on a new voyage. There will be some rough waters, no doubt, and plenty of storms, but I’ll take hold of the wheel, keep my eye on the North Star, and guide myself through the ocean of life.