Friday, April 24, 2015

Soldiers, Old and Young

The young Marine stood in the alley of my family’s house on Senator Street and told me all about his haircut.

His commanding officer was very strict, he said, and demanded that this young man get a most severe crew cut.

The Marine was friendly, happy to tell someone his story. I listened and nodded politely as he spoke.

None of this was real, of course. I no longer live on Senator Street and I don’t know any young Marines. This was a dream I had a few nights ago.

The scene shifted, the young Marine disappeared, and I was inside my family’s house, tending to my elderly father, which I did up until his death in 2007.

However, unlike reality, there was none of the stress, worry, and anger in the dream.

Instead I was calm and in control and my father was cooperative—all the evidence you need to show that this wasn’t happening in the real world.

I was getting my father his breakfast and he said he wanted to go outside.

“Put on a jacket or you’ll catch cold,” I said, sounding an awful lot like my mother.

Now I think it’s pretty obvious that the Marine was a stand-in for my father as a young man.

Some part of my mind was trying to remind me that my dad was once a young man with hopes and dreams who was suddenly thrown into the middle of World War II. The life he wanted to live had been brutally derailed.

And that mellow breakfast scene with my elderly father was a bit of revisionist history that I believe was intended to put the bad old days to rest.

That was such a difficult time in my life. My father was suffering from dementia and I was feeling trapped, hating myself for not doing more with my life. As bad as things were, I did my best to make them even worse.

I had this dream on the day I had gone for my energy session, an incredible experience that drew all this tension right out of me.

I was feeling so relaxed, so free, that my subconscious apparently wanted to keep the good will going after I went to sleep.

I know that it’s important to put the painful memories behind me and I think a lot of the resentment I feel is just a reflex action. I’m so used to being pissed off about one thing or another that my mind doesn’t react well to tranquility.

That’s why meditation has become so important to me. Each morning I set the timer on my smartphone for 20 minutes, give myself permission to relax, and put aside any and all angry thoughts.

My mind does wonder and I do slip back into my old hostile habits. But I believe the mellow moments are getting longer and my heart is slowly opening up to the idea of making peace with the past.

6 comments:

Jay, Sparking Synapse said...

Meditation is a wonderful thing. I should get back into the habit. What you say is true; it trains the mind, very gradually, to accept tranquility, and even to expect it. And this helps us to look for tranquility in our daily lives and accept them, too.

It sounds like a very comforting dream. Either you are trying to tell yourself something important, or the universe is doing so.

Ron said...

Rob, what a touching post! And also proof of just how powerful and effective energy work is!

"I had this dream on the day I had gone for my energy session, an incredible experience that drew all this tension right out of me."

And I'm not at all surprised because I recall a period in my life, right after I was attuned to Reiki, in which I had vivid dreams of working things out in my subconscious mind that needed to be healed. When this type of work is done, experiences (tensions) from our past come to surface and are released. And this still happens to me.

"My mind does wonder and I do slip back into my old hostile habits. But I believe the mellow moments are getting longer and my heart is slowing opening up to the idea of making peace with the past."

Bravo! And just remember, energy work is a process, so there will be times when we slip back into old habits (myself included). But as long as we continue, these habits are broken.

The best to you, buddy! And thanks so much for sharing your journey!

Rob K said...

Hey, Ron, thanks so much! I'm glad you pointed out that this is a process.

I started getting stressed during the week and I was upset because I thought the session was wasted.

But that's not true. You have to keep working at this because it is entirely new way of looking at life.

Take care, buddy! And let's take this journey together!

(And I fixed the typo from "slowing" to "slowly") Duh!)

Rob K said...

@Jay,

I'm always so happy to hear from you!

I would encourage you to get back into the meditation habit.

It does wonders, but as we both know, it's a slow process--but a worthy one.

And, yes this was a very comforting dream. Let's hope of the same for all of us!

Bijoux said...

What an interesting dream, and very telling after your energy session. I hope it brings you some peace.

Rob K said...

Thank you, Bijoux! Peace and blessings to your family as well.