Sunday, March 08, 2015

Let It Go

“Every time we say ‘I must do something’ it takes an incredible amount of energy. Far more than physically doing it.” –Gita Bellin

I pressed the buttons on the MetroCard machine Friday and watched as absolutely nothing happened.

I had just struggled through a herd of cattle-minded commuters to get down the stairs at the Courtland Street R station—and all for naught, or so it seemed.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” I said much louder than I should have.

I was cold, tired, and extremely fed up. It had snowed the night before, the temperature had dropped accordingly, and I was so goddamn sick of winter.

I was doing a very good job of feeling sorry for myself when I heard a voice coming from behind me.

“That happens sometimes when it gets cold,” the voice said.

I turned around, embarrassed by my outburst, and saw a rather heavyset middle-aged woman standing before me. Between having my vision impaired by my hood and my mind clouded by self-pity, I just plain didn’t see this lady standing so close to me.

I went to a second machine, repeated the refill ritual, and everything worked perfectly. Now I felt like a real dope, losing my cool in public like that.

And the thing is I had just come off a great day where things had gone insanely right for me. It started Wednesday evening when I heard the weather report warning of heavy snow for Thursday morning.

I go to my gym on Thursday morning and I couldn’t possibly miss my beloved boxing class over a damn blizzard. This was an outrage!

But then at some point I was able to step outside of myself and see that I was getting far too upset over a potentially missed gym workout. There were plenty of chances to take a boxing class on Friday if I felt the urge.

Put 'Em Up!

I suspect this insight came from my daily meditation, which helps to tone down the laser light show in my brain. Whatever the reason, I just decided to let my worries go.

And then everything fell into place. I got to the gym with no problem whatsoever and had a fantastic workout. I pumped on the battle ropes, hit the weights, and a great time in the boxing class.
When it came time to go one-on-one with my instructor, I was on fire. I couldn’t believe how much energy I had.

And better yet, a couple of guys in the class whom I hardly know were suddenly striking up conversations with me. It was crazy.

At one point during the class I actually asked God to help keep this fire burning in me—even when the rains come.

I’m slowly learning the difference between letting go and giving up. Letting go means you free yourself from the worries and pressures of your goals, whereas giving up means just that—throwing in the towel, walking away, and surrendering without a fight.

Stepping outside of yourself is so important. One time during class I was trying to balance myself on the BOSU ball when for some odd reason, I started thinking of this wonderful woman I had dated and then lost due to my various hang-ups.

“You’re a loser,” this voice inside my head said.

Seriously. This how I talk to myself.

But instead of being crushed and hurt by those harsh words, I was able to distance myself from this senseless self-loathing and see that the hateful voice was an old recording that had no place in my present life.

I don’t want to use the word “breakthrough” because I think you can put far too much pressure on yourself by declaring that you are now cured of all that ails you. But I do feel like I’m making some progress here.

So my little freak-out with the MetroCard machine on Friday morning didn’t mean I was a failure. It was merely a minor misstep.

I thanked the woman who had helped me and told her to have a nice day. I was all ready to emotionally bash myself for not being more like her, but then I shifted my point of view a little.

This woman wasn’t here to shame me; she was here to guide me, to show me a better way of living. Wasting time getting upset with myself just delays my journey. It was time to let go and get the fire back.

8 comments:

Ron said...

Rob, I freaking LOVED this post! Isn't it amazing what daily meditation can do? Even if it's just a few minutes, it has a way of centering and balancing you. And I can tell when I go a few days without meditating because I can feel myself getting flustered by the smallest things. When I meditate, I also share Reiki with myself, which seems to give me an additional boost of energy and clarity.

"I’m slowly learning the difference between letting go and giving up. Letting go means you free yourself from the worries and pressures of your goals, whereas giving up means just that—throwing in the towel, walking away, and surrendering without a fight."

Exactly!

And I love what you said here...

"Stepping outside of yourself is so important. I was all ready to emotionally bash myself for not being more like her, but then I shifted my point of view a little. This woman wasn’t here to shame me; she was here to guide me, to show me a better way of living. Wasting time getting upset with myself just delays my journey. It was time to let go and get the fire back."

Wise words, buddy. WISE words. Isn't it something how when we alter our perspective, the view changes!

I'm so happy for you, Rob. You're growing and shifting. And that's AWESOME!

Have a SUPER week, buddy!

Rob K said...

Oh, Ron, thank you so much for your support. I do hope that you're right, that I am shifting my viewpoint enough. It's time to turn away from the abyss and look to the abundance.

The Reiki angle sounds fascinating. I still haven't explored this area enough, but I intend to. Anything that will help keep us on the path to enlightenment!

Take care of yourself, buddy, and keep on meditating!

Jay, Sparking Synapse said...

'I was able to see that the hateful voice was an old recording that had no place in my present life'.

Rob, thank you for that. I have so many 'old recordings' that pop into my head and derail me. I'm going to memorise that phrase and use it when they do so.

You know, you often come over as so self-deprecating, and yet here you are demonstrating that you are actually a very strong and deep person. Sure, you have weaknesses and failings and so on, but basically you're doing pretty damn well!

Rob K said...

Hey, Jay! I thank you so much for your support and kindness. I am making a sincere effort to change.

I'm learning that the peace of meditation is better than the agitation that I put myself through nearly every waking moment.

I want to keep it up--and I want you to do the same. Erase those old recordings!

Take care!

Stephanie Faris said...

I need to look into meditation. I've written about it ("why meditation helps business owners succeed," that sort of thing) and it always sounds like a great idea. But slowing down long enough to do it is the hard part. I walk on my treadmill while playing SongPop on my phone AND reading on my Kindle...because neither of those things alone is enough to keep myself on that treadmill for the entire 2 miles!

Rob K said...

Wow, Stephanie, that's a lot of stimulation! Meditation is pretty much the opposite, where you allow the mind to just slow down and relax.

You can start off with just five or 10 minutes each morning and see how you like it. It's been said that prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening. Give it a try!

Bijoux said...

I'm glad you thanked the woman who said something about the machine. It was kind of cool that she said something, as most people try to avoid people who seem pissed off! (Speaking as someone who frequently gets aggravated with machines in public places)

Rob K said...

Thanks, Bijoux. I really had to acknowledge that I was out of line. That's good for her and for me as well.

Let's both work on avoiding those public freakouts!

Take care.