Pinch and Judy

It’s starting again.

I’m sitting at my computer and, as I reach for the keyboard, I can feel a wave of numbness spreading across my left shoulder.

This has been going on for the last 10 days or so and the episodes range from mildly annoying to full-on Vulcan nerve pinch.

It’s like I have an internal stun gun zapping me every time I move the wrong way. I just wish someone would tell me what the right way is.

I tried ignoring it for the first few days, basically giving my bad shoulder the cold shoulder. But this strategy failed, as it usually does, and I shifted straight into panic gear, convinced that my arm was going to dry up and fall out of its socket.

Fresh out of denial, I went to my chiropractor who told me that my neck and upper back were out of alignment.

Apparently the top portion of my body decided that my lower back has gotten too much attention lately and pulled a little job action of it own.

How exactly this happened remains a mystery. It’s all highly illogical.

I didn’t strain myself in the gym and I haven’t been shoving around my furniture lately. I had been turning my head somewhat sharply to the left to copy some material into a Word file, but I have since cut that out. Let’s hope it wasn’t too late.

Set Phasers on 'Suck'

My chiropractor told me to lay off the gym for a week, which is kind of like telling a fish to lay off the ocean.

I know I’m obsessed with exercise and I know it is taking up too much space in my brain, but I only go to my health club three times a week. That’s nothing compared with some of the hardcore health club commandos I’ve seen.

I’ve been doing some qigong shoulder exercises and while they’ve been helpful, they haven’t eliminated the problem.

I called my doctor and described my condition to him over that phone.

“It’s a pinched nerve,” he told me. “You need to support your neck when you sleep or it can become nerve damage.”

No, thank you, I’m damaged enough. I was going to order a neck-friendly pillow online, but I decided that this couldn’t wait, so I raced over to a nearby Bed, Bath & Beyond after work on Thursday and made the purchase.

The thing looks like a Klingon potato chip, but so far it seems to be helping.

I started feeling better after one night and on Saturday I decided I was well enough to go back to the gym. And about an hour after my cardio kickboxing class, my shoulder started throbbing again.

I set up an appointment with my pain management specialist for Tuesday. This is the same doctor who treated me during my three lower back outbursts, so he should know the terrain pretty well by now.

I’m hoping I won’t have to go through another round of physical therapy. I know I’m not young, but I’d like to think my skeleton has got a few more miles left.

I want to get this misery cleared up at warp speed so I can live long and prosper.