Gun Crazy

Hey, do you like guns? Yeah, me, too.

Nothing says freedom more than having a .357 tucked under your armpit or carrying an AK-47 in the trunk of your car.

Guns are what made America great, and if you don't believe that, I'll shoot you.

Of course there are some drawbacks to this freedom, like, oh, I don't know, the occassional mass murder.

We had two of them here in the States not too long ago, one in Philadelphia and one in Utah, and you can bet some bleeding hearts will have the nerve to suggest outlawing guns--yet again.

The right-wing gun lovers were furious that the news media didn't mention that the Utah gunman--the one who shot up a shopping mall--was a Muslim.

Only, the news media did mention this fact and went on to report that the police saw no connection between his religion and his actions. But what does reality matter to your average gun nut?

Now these same neocon pistol-humpers had no problem with gun laws that allow psychotics to get their hands on lethal weapons. Oh, no, of course not. We all know that guns don't kill people, people kill people.

You see its our fault. The guns are just fine and the gunmakers are just nice, decent business people, so that's why the Republican congress wanted to protect them from lawsuits.

They were protecting everyone when they did that, not just the gun lobby that stuffed money into their pockets.

Makes you proud to be an American, doesn't it?

On Saturday two young women from Long Island, NY were gunned in Arizona down by a deranged man who blamed one of the women for turning his girlfriend against him.

The police have not determined how the killer--who had a history of mental problems--got his weapons, but then gun purchasers in Arizona do not need to register their firearms. And that's the way it should be.

One of the victims was a camp counselor in the Poconos, where I spent five years as a police report. It's a small, and rather sick, world after all.

Yeah, two beautiful young women with their whole lives in front of them were wiped off the face of the earth, countless friends and relatives are heart-broken, but, hell, that's the price you pay for freedom. What are you--some kind of sissy?

The news footage workplace shootings have taken a grim familiarity to them. You've got screaming ambulances, sobbing co-workers holding each other, cops in SWAT gear running in all directions.

You could probably run the same footage every time and very few people would notice. To paraphrase the great conservative icon Ronald Reagan, you've seen one massacre, you've seen them all.

New York City police officers have been making undercover buys in out-of-state gunshops, proving that gun store owners will sell to anybody as long as they have the money. But some brave Republican legislator called Mayor Michael Bloomberg a wimp when he complained out guns pouring into the city.

So get out there and start shooting. Shoot your neighbors, shoot your goldfish, shoot your dentist shoot your plants, shoot everything that moves and maybe a few things that don't.

Let's have more massacres, more senseless shootings, more grieving families. It's the American way, after all, how could you object to it?

Unless you're some kind of commie.