The Luna Park Gazette

I walked into the community affairs office at the 68th Precinct and approached the cop behind the desk. “ You fuck! ” He roared before I had a chance to open my mouth. “ You didn’t bring us any coffee! ” I stood there in shock, trying not to wet my pants or run out the door. I didn’t know what to expect when I entered this place, but I surely wasn’t expecting this. It was sometime around 1986 and I was working as a reporter for a weekly paper in Bay Ridge. I had been sent there to get some stories for the police blotter and this cop, Larry, was the guy to see. I don’t think I had ever been in a police station prior to that day. I hardly had anything to do with cops at all. Shucks, I was a good Catholic boy living in a quiet neighborhood. Why would I get involved with the police? It turned out Larry was just breaking my cojones , something cops the world over like to do to reporters. I later learned that if cops yank your chain it usually means they like you. If they’re curt and profess...

When I first started blogging, I decided that I would allow people to write whatever they wanted in the comments section. I wasn’t going to silence critics and only retain the positive remarks. I wasn’t going to stifle anyone’s freedom of expression or be a cyber-nun parsing each and every word someone left behind. Say whatever you want, I thought, it won't bother me a bit. But then the “Cheap Viagra” ads started and I couldn’t seem to stop them. They were particularly annoying because they were often worded to appear as if a real human being has read your post. “You’re so right,” they’ll say, or “that’s really funny,” before launching into their shtick, which, of course, involved logging on to some website and buying whatever they were peddling. (No, I didn’t and shame on you for asking.) So now I monitor the comments and occasionally I’ll be forced to zap some bit of digital drivel to the ninth circle of Internet hell where it belongs. Recently, though, I got a comment that was ...

The year has just begun and I’ve already lost a friend. My sister’s cat, Tuxedo, crossed that Rainbow Bridge after suffering a stroke and left this life on the same day our father did in 2007. Tuxedo had a heart condition and the vet had warned my sister that he could go at any time. But that doesn’t lessen the pain of losing him. I had a special fondness for Tuxedo. I used to drive him and his brother, Smokey, to their vet's office in Manhattan. They weren’t happy about being packed up in their cat boxes and hauled over to the city, but it had to be done. Both Smokey and Tuxedo were very shy around strangers and would run like hell whenever I came over. Often the only sight I had of them was their rear ends disappearing under my sister’s bed. But Tuxedo surprised me one night shortly after our first vet run. We were sitting in the kitchen and he came walking in like he owned the place. And being a cat, of course, he did own the place. I was stunned because usually if I wanted to...

It’s amazing the things you see when you actually start looking. I had this experience on Friday when I went to the noon mass at Trinity Church. It was Epiphany, the official end of the holiday season and I had seen several discarded Christmas trees on the sidewalks in my neighborhood that morning. The lights would be coming down next. Epiphany comes from the Greek ephiphaneia meaning “manifestation” or “striking appearance" and during the sermon, Rev. Mark spoke about the importance of the star that the Three Wise Men followed through the desert. He encouraged us to “find the star with your name on it.” “You can also be the star,” he told us. I love the whole idea of stars and light since I tend to sink into dark moods if I’m not careful. But things got really weird when I happened to look up over the altar to the stained glass windows depicting Jesus and several saints. I looked a little bit higher and I saw…a star . It was actually a star-shaped light, but the point is that ...

Whenever our family went on vacation, my father would complain that he was doing too much driving. “I’m chained to the goddamn wheel,” he’d declare in full victim mode. Of course we ignored him and demanded to be driven here, there, and everywhere in between. That's what kids do, right? I just returned to New York after spending Christmas week in San Francisco with my family and this time I was the one chained to the goddamn wheel—and I enjoyed every second of it. I haven’t owned a car since I moved back to the city 14 years ago. The insurance rates are too high, traffic is a nightmare and parking is even worse. I do miss driving, though, and since I’ve never owned a new car, I'll jump at the chance to sit behind the wheel of anything made in the 21st Century. Well, we had a great time. My sister, auntie, and myself all flew out to see my brother, his wife, and my niece Victoria, who turns 17 (oh, God) this month. Apparently our flight out of JFK was delayed, but I was so zonk...